The Journey
by Sarah LoTuS
Summary: So, ah, two years, eh? Possibly. It's a long time. Anything could happen...
1. Chapter One

The Journey: Chapter One DEDICATION: This is going to be almost as long as the fic! Firstly, the RatPak, because this would never have gotten finished without them. Jayemonster, without you, I would never have finished the first chapter. And of course, Cammy, the honorary RatPakette, because I promised you a Frank/Rachel fic. Sorry it took so long, and I hope it is worth the wait! Sonia, tireless long-suffering betareader who mercilessly guillotined all my redundancies (Bad that! Off with it's head!!). Couldn't have done it without you babe... what will you do in your spare time now you don't have me emailing you, desperate to know if Manly Beach has steps or not?? 

DISCLAIMER: The characters and situations in this story that you recognise do not belong to me. They belong to Hal McElroy, Southern Star Productions, and the writers of the particular episodes I have borrowed from. Anything you don't recognise is mine, and I fully exercise my right to it. 

SPOILERS: Tomorrow Never Comes, Goes With The Territory, Mr Medium, New Kid On The Block, A Day at the Office, Kaddish, Reunion, In The Blood. 

SONG LYRIC DISCLAIMER: None of the song lyrics belong to me. I have borrowed them (without permission) to illustrate my words, with many, many thanks to their original authors. There are so many song lyric credits that I have put them each on their own chapters. 

SONG LYRIC CREDITS 1: Pieces Of The Night (Gin Blossoms), Why Can't This Be Love? (Van Halen), Tonight (Def Leppard), The Day You Went Away (Wendy Matthews), Don't Turn Around (Ace of Base)   
FEEDBACK GROVEL: I spent two years writing this story. Please take a few minutes to [send me some feedback][1] at [lotus79@startrekmail.com][2] or, alternatively, you could just sign the guestbook at the end. (Or both if you like, I'm not fussed ;) 

LAST WARNING: This chapter has an R rating. 

****

The Journey 

Rachel slowly drifted. As she approached consciousness, she became aware of an empty feeling in the pit of her stomach that usually followed a night of alcoholic overindulgence. This morning, however, it meant a lot more. Frank was leaving.

Her eyes opened, slowly bringing into focus a heap of covers on the other side of the bed.

She remembered drinking champagne with Frank, poring over navigational charts as he pointed out where he was going. Then he'd kissed her... or had he? No, they'd been interrupted. Mick had come looking for her, with a case. Damn work.

The heap of covers moved. Hard to tell if she'd imagined it or not--the spinning of the room made it impossible to tell what was moving and what wasn't.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard a groan, and a dishevelled head appeared. Blue eyes met blue. Belatedly, it occurred to Rachel this was not *her* bedroom.

She *had* come back. She had gone off with Mick and done her job, and as soon as that was done she had come back. She remembered now.

He had kissed her; she could almost feel the warm taste of his mouth on hers. She'd kissed him back. And plenty more had gone on after that.

Frank smiled, nervously, "Ah, did we...?"

**_What do you remember if at all_**   
**_Only pieces of the night_**   
**_It seems so distant_**   
**_But still only half the night away_**

"I reckon we must've," Rachel answered, scratching her head, "But I don't remember anything about it," she lied.

"I'm hurt. Am I that forgettable?" he asked, with a look of such dismay that she laughed and threw a pillow at him.

"Hey!" he yelled. She laughed even harder, so he pounced on her, and started tickling for dear life.

Rachel yowled in frustration, squirming to get away. In the course of her struggles, the doona managed to slip downwards, and Frank's hand grazed the side of her naked breast. Laughter vanished. Rachel quickly pulled the doona back up to cover herself. A shiver ran down her spine. The cold light of day did nothing to dispel the sexual tension in the air.

**_Contact is all it takes_**   
**_To change your life, to lose your place in time_**   
  
Frank drew away, colouring a little. "Sorry," he apologised, "I guess I'd better go and shower or something so you can get dressed?"

"Yeah," Rachel answered, and politely looked away as he stood up. When he bent to pick up his trousers however, she turned back, almost against her will, and watched him pull them on. Her breath quickened, and she quickly looked away again, before he noticed. What good would it do now to admit how she felt? His mind was made up.   
~~ * ~~

When Frank had finished showering, Rachel had already dressed and poured two cups of coffee.

"You made coffee?" he asked, surprised.

"Well, you're leaving--it's a special occasion. Just don't get used to it."

He laughed. "Scout's honour."

"As if you were ever a scout, Frank!"

"I was!"

"Yeah, right."

The silence became uncomfortable.

"I've got to go to work soon," Rachel stated.

"Will you come and see me off?" Frank asked.

She nodded, suddenly feeling like crying. She swallowed the feeling, and forced herself to smile. "Yeah, of course. I'll meet you there before you go."

As she stood up to leave, she felt the urge to hug him, to hold on and never let go; but she fought it. Instead she picked up her cardigan and put it on. "You got any idea where I left my car keys?" she asked Frank, scratching her head.

He shook his head. "Nup."

"Helpful, Frank, very helpful," she said dryly.

"We aim to please," he chirped.

Rachel patted her pockets, just to double check. Great. She'd have to go look for them. Giving the kitchen floor a cursory scan, she couldn't see them, so she figured the next logical place to look was Frank's bedroom.

"Ah, Frank?" she asked, "D'you mind if I go have a look in the bedroom?"

At least he had the grace to look as embarrassed as she felt. The absurdity of the question, after what had just happened, had occurred to him too. He nodded.

She left him at the table and headed up the stairs.

After a thorough search of the bedroom floor failed to reveal the missing keys, Rachel's eye fell on the still-tangled doona. The idea of looking for her car keys in Frank's bed gave her the strangest feeling.

Before she disturbed the bed, however, a memory flashed through her mind. The sound of a set of keys hitting a hard floor and sliding... and something else.

Frank's eyes gazing feverishly into her own, and the feather light touch of his hand on her spine. His mouth...

**_Tonight, give me love with no disguise_**   
**_Tonight, I see the fire in your eyes_**

Rachel shivered involuntarily. The mystery of the missing keys was solved.

Leaving the covers where they were, she headed back to the kitchen.

Frank looked up as she reappeared. "Found them?" he asked.

"Not exactly," she replied. She crouched down to peer under the fridge. Spying the missing keys, she tried to fit her hand under the fridge to get them.

"Frank, you wouldn't happen to have a nice handy long thin object with a hook on the end of it would you?" she asked.

"What?" he asked, getting up to see what she was doing. "How did they get under there?"

"I think I threw them under there," she told him.

Oh, yeah," he said, remembering. "When we were on the..." He cleared his throat, deciding not to finish the sentence. "Ah... Long thin object with a hook on the end of it, eh?"

He picked up a back scratcher from the top of the fridge and passed it to her.

"Got 'em," she told him triumphantly, pulling the keys out from under the fridge. Standing up, she realised Frank hadn't stepped away. He stood about an inch in front of her, looking into her eyes. For a second, Rachel couldn't breathe; afraid the smell of him would destroy her self-control.

Frank's hand darted up to touch Rachel's cheek almost of its own free will. His mouth was suddenly dry, and he absently moistened his lips with his tongue.

Rachel let her breath out in a rush. She felt like a leaf caught in a dust storm, acting without a will of her own.

His mouth was just as warm and inviting as she remembered it.

"Rach," he breathed, pulling away.

"It's okay," she whispered. "I know you're still leaving."

His eyes bored into hers for another interminable moment, and for the first time since she'd known him, Rachel felt the years between them. His deep, deep eyes made her feel like a schoolgirl again. He pushed her up against the fridge, his kiss becoming more demanding. The keys dropped to the floor, forgotten, as her hands reached up to pull him closer still.

"Let's skip the bench this time," she whispered.

Without warning, Frank bent and knocked her knees out from under her, swiftly drawing her up into his arms. He smothered her cry of protest with another breathtaking kiss, before whispering, "Do you know how long I've been waiting to do that?"

Rachel couldn't help but giggle; the move was so corny.

Frank carried her upstairs and put her down on the bed, sweeping the blankets onto the floor. There was plenty of heat in the room without them.

For a long while after, they lay still in each other's arms. Neither wanted to pull away and hasten the inevitable goodbye.

"You're going to be late for work," Frank ventured finally.

Rachel sighed. "I suppose you want to beat the tide," she said softly.

Frank looked at his watch. "I've got about forty-five minutes," he told her. "Will you come and see me off?"

She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I'll meet you there in thirty," she told him.

He stood at the door to watch her leave, and Rachel felt his stare like an icy-cold hand on her back until she was out of sight.   
~~ * ~~

Pulling into her own driveway, Rachel yanked up the handbrake and headed inside without shutting her car door.

Going straight to her bedroom, she pulled a suit from her cupboard, hung it up on the back of her door and started stripping.

She'd gotten down to her underwear before she collapsed on the bed in tears.

How could he leave?

How could she stay?

She knew the answer. As much as she was going to miss Frank, she wouldn't leave David for anything.

She looked at her watch. Ten to nine. She had twenty minutes before he left.

Rachel wiped her eyes roughly and dressed. Jumping back in the car, she headed for Footloose's mooring.   
~~ * ~~

**_Hey, there's not a cloud in the sky._**   
**_It's as blue as your goodbye_**   
**_And I thought it would rain on a day like today._**   
**_Hey there's not a cloud in sight._**   
**_It's a blue as your blue goodbye._**   
**_And I thought that it would rain_**   
**_On the day you went away._**

He was sitting in the boat, waiting for her. He turned, hearing her footsteps. "You know, shorts and t-shirt would have been more appropriate," he joked.

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, it's all right, you know," he told her, "I understand."

"You know it's ah..." She trailed off. "It's a thousand reasons," she told him, finding her voice again.

"A thousand? Well, you know that's a lot of reasons, eh?"

She nodded, biting her lip. "I just didn't want...to let you go without..." Her voice cracked, and she couldn't continue.

**_If you wanna leave, I won't beg you to stay_**   
**_And if you gotta go darling, maybe it's better that way_**   
**_I'm gonna be strong, I'm gonna do fine_**   
**_Don't worry about this heart of mine_**

"Saying goodbye?" he finished for her.

She nodded, the lump in her throat almost choking her.

Frank threw his arms around his partner, holding her tightly. She buried her head in his shoulder and sobbed. He felt like crying himself, but he choked it back.

**_But don't turn around_**   
**_'Cause you're gonna see my heart breaking_**   
**_Don't turn around_**   
**_I don't want you seeing me cry_**   
**_Just walk away_**   
**_It's tearing me apart that you're leaving_**   
**_I'm letting you go but I won't let you know_**

She let him go and took a step back, sniffling. "Two years," she whispered. "It's such a long time."

"I bet you won't even miss me."

Rachel punched him lightly on the arm. "You know I will."

He laughed sadly, and threw his arms around her again. She hugged him back, squeezing him as tightly as she could. She felt more tears sting her eyes, and tried to hold them in. 'Just a little while longer' , she told herself.

"Rach," he asked. "I gotta know... did it mean anything to you?"

She nodded. "Yeah, it did. I'm glad it happened."

"Me too." He bit his lip, and then he leaned forward and kissed her gently.

They separated, staring at each other. "Give us a hand?" he asked.

She followed him around to the other side of the boat, watching as he climbed aboard and untied the mooring rope. He handed it to her and she wound it up slowly in her hand as he reached in and switched on the motor.

**_I wish I could scream out loud that I love you_**   
**_I wish I could say to you 'don't go'_**

"Send us a postcard, won't you, from, ah..."

"Venezuela?" he offered.

"Brisbane!" she told him, smiling crookedly.

He laughed. "You take care," he told her. She nodded, and he began to pull away from the pier. She followed him as far as she could, feeling the tears begin to roll down her face. He waved at her, and she waved back, not stopping until he was no more than a dot in the distance.

**_As he walks away he feels the pain getting strong_**   
**_People in your life they don't know what's going on_**   
**_Too proud to turn around_**   
**_He's gone_**

He was gone.   
~~ * ~~   


[On to Chapter Two][3]

sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer);  sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName;sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth;  function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);} qs=" url='http://counter15.bravenet.com/index.php?'; url += 'id=340059 curl='http://counter15.bravenet.com/counter.php?id=340059 doit('[][4]')  [][5]   


   [1]: malto:lotus79@startrekmail.com
   [2]: mailto:lotus79@startrekmail.com
   [3]: journeyc2.html
   [4]: '+url+'
   [5]: http://counter15.bravenet.com/index.php?id=340059&usernum=1268170293&cpv=1



	2. Chapter Two

The Journey: Chapter Two SONG LYRIC CREDITS: It Must Have Been Love (Roxette), Love Walks In (Van Halen) 

Chapter Two 

Jack Christey strode into the offices of the New South Wales Water Police, with an unshakeable smile on his face. Twenty minutes later, it was gone. He wondered if Rachel had that effect on every man she met. Oh, she acted friendly enough, but her coldness wasn't exactly subtle. 

Perhaps he should have taken the hint when she sent all his letters back, but he knew Rachel--avoidance was her favourite game. He'd hoped that confronting her would end it, but it hadn't. 

He figured he'd give her some time to get used to the idea of working with him again, so he went to their office to settle in. 

The desk was still full of Frank's things--a tie, a belt, sunglasses, some photos. Jack glanced at them half interested. She was in a lot of them. Others were of both of them. There was even one of her and her son. 

He threw the photos down in disgust, and made a little pile of all Frank's things. He couldn't possibly have left in such a hurry that he couldn't have cleaned out his desk first, Jack thought rudely. 

He was pinning one of *his* pictures on the wall when she walked in. He looked up, expecting her to comment, but she ignored him. 

"Listen," he told her. "I found this shit, it's Frank's, it was in the bottom drawer--" 

"I'll take it, I'll take it," she interrupted, taking the pile from his desk and transferring it to hers. She then went back to ignoring him. 

"So, is that it? Is that all you're gonna say?" he challenged. 

She looked at him blankly. "Well, what do you want me to say?" 

"I dunno. I mean, anything's better than being ignored, I guess." 

"Well, we can talk about the sergeant's job then, since we both applied for it. Why did you apply?" she asked. 

"Well, I have worked here before, if you remember, you know; and it's a good section, good people..." 

She nodded sedately. Jack was starting to envision a nightmarish future of her resenting him for forcing his way back into her life. 

"You know, I'm not sorry I got this job," he told her defensively, "But I am sorry I got it over you." 

"I don't care!" she protested. 

Yeah, right, Jack thought. Just at that moment, Helen appeared in the doorway, telling them to go to the hospital to interview a witness. 

"You all right?" she asked Rachel, as she was leaving. 

"Yeah, I'll be fine," Rachel told her softly. Helen looked from one to the other of them and then left. Rachel glanced at him briefly before looking back at her desk. 

**_It must have been love but it's over now,_**   
**_It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without._**   
**_It must have been love but it's over now,_**   
**_It's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows._**

Jack narrowed his eyes, wondering what message he was missing here. Well, she wasn't likely to tell him in a hurry. "It's not gonna be a problem, me working here, is it?" he asked. 

"Not if you don't make it a problem," she told him. 

"I don't think it's a problem." 

"No problem," she shrugged. 

Just dandy.   
~~ * ~~ 

Rachel sat at her desk, idly wrapping Frank's tie around her hands. He'd only been gone a week, but she felt his absence even more now Jack had taken his place. 

Truth be told, she could have cleaned out his desk for him, but somewhere deep down she wanted to convince herself he was just on a short holiday. That he was coming back soon. 

Jack's arrival had shattered the illusion, and she hated him for that. She knew she'd been horrible to him all day, but she couldn't help herself--he reminded her too much of what she had lost, or rather, what she had thrown away. 

She loved him. She realised that; now it was too late to do anything about it. 

She felt her eyes sting with tears, and she wiped them away. No use feeling sorry for myself now, she thought. 

Rachel dropped the tie guiltily when Jack walked into the office. Tucking the photographs into her jacket, she threw the tie and belt into the bin, and headed for the door. 

"Hey Rach," Jack began, before she made her escape. He'd intended to ask her down to the pub for a drink, but when she looked at him, he saw her eyes were red and blotchy. "Never mind," he told her. 

She nodded thankfully and left. 

He thought she'd gone home, but when he returned to their office after getting himself a cup of coffee, he happened to glance at Rachel's bin. 

The tie and the belt were gone.   
~~ * ~~ 

SIX WEEKS LATER 

"I'm what?" Rachel asked, staring at the doctor in shock. 

"You're pregnant," she repeated patiently. 

Rachel took a deep breath, trying to assimilate the information. This was big. 

"I take it this wasn't planned?" the doctor inquired carefully. 

She shook her head. "Not exactly," Rachel told her. 

She nodded, sympathetically. Rachel wanted to slap her. 

She drove home in a daze. When she pulled into her driveway, she checked her mail before going inside. There was a postcard from Frank. 

How ironic, she thought dryly. 

She flopped down on the couch to read it--avoiding her more immediate problem for the moment. 

**_Dear Rachel,_**   
**_I'm not much of a writer, but I promised you a postcard, so here it is. What to say? Well, the sky is blue, and I'm out on the open sea. Not much else to tell you really. How are you? Well, you can't answer me, but I hope you're ok. I miss you heaps. I'll send this off next time I go near a post office._**   
**_Love Frank_**

She couldn't help but smile. Frank, the master of understatement. She dropped the postcard on the coffee table, and put her hand on her still-flat stomach, considering the implications of the diagnosis. 

She couldn't contact Frank; there was no return address on the postcard. And what would she tell him anyway? She wasn't sure exactly what she was going to do, but she knew she couldn't get rid of it. That pretty much left only one option. 

It would mean huge changes to her life, obviously. She was looking at least six months maternity leave, and finding some good day-care after that. 

It had been so long since she had been a full time mother, and even then she hadn't been single. It was going to be hard, she thought, but it would be worth it. 

**_And then you sense a change_**   
**_Nothing feels the same_**   
**_All your dreams are strange_**   
**_Love comes walking in_**   
**_Some kind of alien_**   
**_Waits for the opening_**   
**_Then simply pulls a string_**   
**_Love comes walking in_**

She would be fine, and Frank... well. She'd have to cross that bridge when she got to it. 

She fell asleep that night with a smile on her face.   
~~ * ~~ 

[Take me to Chapter Three][1]

sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer);  sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName;sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth;  function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);} qs=" url='http://counter15.bravenet.com/index.php?'; url += 'id=340060 curl='http://counter15.bravenet.com/counter.php?id=340060 doit('[][2]')  [][3]   


   [1]: journeyc3.html
   [2]: '+url+'
   [3]: http://counter15.bravenet.com/index.php?id=340059&usernum=1268170293&cpv=1



	3. Chapter Three

The Journey: Chapter Three Chapter 3

Rachel smiled happily, the sun warm on her face. The wood of the deck beneath swayed gently in the current, and she heard a familiar voice call her name.

"Rachel," he called again.

Her smile widened, and she opened her eyes. He stood over her, smiling too, and reached downwards. She took his hands and let him raise her up to stand in front of him, and she giggled.

Hooking her arms around his neck, she kissed him chastely, then pulled away, grinning. His arms around her waist tightened, stopping her, and he pulled her back to him, capturing her lips in a kiss that nearly took her breath away.

"Frank," she sighed happily, feeling his throat vibrate as he chuckled.

"I told you coming with me would be a good idea," he said.

Suddenly she knew she was dreaming, and the smile fell from her face. "Frank, I've got to tell you something," she said urgently.

He frowned. "What?"

Rachel opened her mouth to tell him, but she couldn't remember what it was. "I don't know," she said lamely.

In a dream, we were at sea

On a boat that was sinking fast

We sailed out over the ocean

And I was tied to the mast

Frank stared at her in confusion, but suddenly his face melted before her eyes. "Frank!" she called desperately, but he was gone, leaving only blackness. Rachel sobbed aloud once, and then woke up to find her pillow damp with tears.

Tears on my pillow, pain in my heart

Caused by you

~~ * ~~

"Hey, Dad," Rachel smiled, as her father opened his front door.

"My Rachel," Felix answered, giving his beloved daughter a hug. "What is the matter?" he asked, noticing the half-frown on her face.

Rachel laughed, nervously. Her father knew her far too well. "Can I come in?" she asked.

"Of course you can."

Rachel perched on the edge of her father's couch, wondering how she was going to tell him he was due another grandchild. She knew he'd only want her to be happy, but still she wasn't sure how he'd take the idea of his daughter as a single parent.

Would you like a cup of coffee?" Felix asked her, gently.

"Yeah, thanks Dad." Rachel smiled, wishing she had inherited his ability to be calm about everything.

Felix returned to the living room with two cups of coffee, and handed one to his daughter. "Now tell me, Rachel, what troubles you?"

Rachel took a deep breath. "I'm going to have a baby."

"But, this is happy news, Rachel!" Felix replied immediately. "Who is the lucky man?"

Rachel sighed, but only half in relief. "Frank," she answered.

"Ah," nodded Felix, understanding, "And he is gone."

Rachel nodded, and dropped her head into her hands. Felix gathered his daughter into his arms. "Wouldn't he come back if you told him?" he asked.

"He would," Rachel answered, "But I have no way to tell him. Australia Post doesn't deliver to the open sea."

"But he said he would return?"

"Yeah, in two years. Bit late to tell him then! And what if he doesn't come back? What if he decides he likes Venezuela and stays there?"

Felix smiled. "With you to come back to? Never."

Rachel knew he hadn't intended to sound patronising, but she couldn't help feeling it. 'I sound pathetic,' Rachel thought. She knew she didn't *need* Frank, but it didn't stop her from wanting him so much it hurt. She sobbed quietly, and then allowed herself to cry in her father's arms, feeling like a child again.

"Shh," Felix soothed. "God will take care of you, my Rachel."

Rachel wished she believed him.

~~ * ~~

"Hey, Rach, you wanna go for a beer?" Jack asked, as he did every afternoon when they knocked off.

Rachel opened her mouth to offer her customary refusal, but for some reason, she didn't say it. "Yeah, all right."

Jack's eyebrow raised in surprise, but he was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Grabbing his jacket, he followed her out the door.

~~ * ~~

"What would you like?" the bartender asked them.

Jack thought he might as well go for some quality. "Two Coronas, thanks mate," he said.

"Actually," Rachel cut in, "Just make it one and a lemonade."

Jack looked at her in surprise, "You giving up drinking or something?" he asked.

Rachel took a deep breath. Now was as good a time as any. "Yeah, just for a while," she told him. "I'm pregnant."

Jack's shocked stare was finally interrupted by the arrival of their drinks. He paid for them, avoiding looking at her. Finally he turned back. "Is it..." he began.

She shook her head. "Jack, I think you would have noticed it by now if it were yours."

"So why are you telling me this then?"

"I reckon I owe you some sort of explanation for the way I've been acting lately."

"It's Frank's, isn't it?" he asked quietly.

She nodded.

"Well, at least I know why I got the boot then," he mumbled.

"It wasn't exactly planned," she told him, "It just happened."

"Sounds familiar," he commented.

"Well, not exactly," she admitted. "I think I always wanted him, but I didn't want to take the risk."

"So you screwed me instead?" he asked bitterly.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I never meant to lead you on," she confessed. "I think you were the safe option. I knew I could always cut you off."

"Which you did."

"Yeah. I'm sorry, I just always seem to manage to get myself into these messes." She dropped her head into her hands as she realised how big a mess she had gotten herself into this time.

"I don't reckon you got yourself into it all by yourself, Rachel," Jack commented.

"Yeah," she agreed, staring at her reflection in the glass of lemonade.

They each drank their drinks silently, avoiding looking at each other. Rachel downed the last of hers and stood up. "Look, Jack, I'd better get going, y'know?"

Finally, he looked at her, and surprised them both by saying, "You don't have to, Rach. You look like you could use someone to talk to."

"Yeah, I s'pose I could," she admitted. "But somewhere a bit quieter, eh?"

He nodded. "Detective Goldstein. May I offer you my hospitality? I promise not to steal your virtue," he promised, trying not to grin.

Rachel laughed. "Virtue? What's that?"

~~ * ~~

"Coffee?"

"Thanks," Rachel answered.

Jack brewed two cups of coffee and handed one to Rachel. "You wanna start from the beginning?" he asked.

Sipping her coffee, Rachel told him the whole tangled tale. Jack listened, not interrupting, until she finished.

"Do you love him?" he asked her quietly.

"Yeah, I do," she told him, meeting his eyes.

Jack put his coffee down on the table and sat back. It was rather a lot to take in all at once.

"Jack?" Rachel asked, worried by his silence. "Is this going to make things too weird?" she asked. "Us working together, I mean."

"Won't be for much longer, will we?" he asked.

"Well, a few months, yet," she protested. "I may end up doing nothing but paperwork, but I can't afford to take the maternity leave straightaway. And I'll be back afterwards."

"Have you told Hawker yet?" Jack asked.

She shook her head. "I haven't told anybody yet," she admitted. "Just Dad."

"What about Frank? Are you going to tell him?"

~~ * ~~

The next day, Helen Blakemore noticed a cloud hanging over her friend. She also noticed the odd sympathetic look from Jack, which she found rather strange. By lunchtime, her curiosity had gotten the better of her, and she pulled Rachel aside.

"What's going on?" she asked.

Rachel frowned, confused, "What do you mean, what's going on?"

Helen was unconvinced. She took hold of her friend's arm and practically dragged her into the relative privacy of the ladies' toilets. Luckily, there were no other officers making use of the facilities.

"Spill," she commanded.

"Oh, Helen," Rachel sighed, collapsing against the wall. Her legs seemed unwilling to hold her up any longer.

Helen caught hold of her before she slid down to the floor. "Is it Frank?" she asked.

Rachel burst into tears.

Helen put her arms around her friend, rubbing her back and whispering, "Shhh, it can't be that bad."

Rachel pulled away from her. "It's... it's not bad," she admitted, "Just complicated."

"You're pregnant."

Rachel wiped her eyes. "Yeah," she answered.

"I'm sure Frank will come back when you tell him."

Rachel shook her head. "I can't. I've got no way to contact him."

Helen frowned. "Well, that could be a problem."

"Yeah."

"Didn't either of you think of this before he left?" Helen asked.

Rachel shook her head. "We, um, used something the second time, but I guess we didn't think of it the first time. We'd had a few drinks."

"A few? Sounds like you had the whole liquor store!" Helen exclaimed. "I'm sorry," she apologised immediately. "I guess that doesn't help."

Rachel sank to the floor and rested her forehead on her knee.

"Surely he'll have to stop somewhere for a few days and then he could call you or something," Helen suggested helplessly.

"He might, I suppose," Rachel sighed.

"Well, you know we're all here for you Rachel, whenever you need us," Helen assured her.

A ghost of a smile crossed her friend's face. "Thanks, Helen." Sighing, she added, "Now I gotta tell Jeff."

Helen chuckled. "Good luck."

Rachel got up to leave, then thought better of it. "Helen do you know what the protocol is with this? What am I supposed to do until I go on leave?"

"Umm," Helen thought for a minute. "If I remember rightly, you will have to sit down with either Jeff or myself and work out a schedule of duties. Knowing Jeff, it'll be me," Helen finished wryly.

Rachel laughed. "When are you free?"

"I tell you what, you go talk to him now, and I'll meet you in my office afterwards."

"Wish me luck!"

~~ * ~~

"I hope you aren't involved with any other officer under my command, Rachel," Jeff told her, eyes narrowing.

"No sir," she told him, then she added, "He's not under your command anymore." Well, it was no use trying to keep it a secret.

Jeff's eyebrow did its best to touch the roof, but he chose not to comment.

"Well, protocol says you'll have to meet officially with either Helen or myself, and work out what your duties will be for the duration. I'm a bit busy at the moment, but I'll see if Helen's free," he finished.

Rachel hid a smile. "No need, I just spoke to her," she informed him.

"Right then," Jeff nodded. "Tell her I'll approve whatever she decides. Take care, Rachel."

~~ * ~~

Helen looked up as Rachel entered her office. "How did it go?"

Rachel shrugged. "As predicted. 'I'm too busy, but Helen will take care of it'," she said, in a credible imitation of Jeff's voice.

Helen laughed. "I've been thinking about it, and rather than stick you on front counter answering phones all day long, I thought you could be a sort of junior intelligence officer. I'll arrange for you to have higher access to COPS, and that will leave me free to get out there a bit more."

"Sounds good," Rachel answered.

"Don't get too excited, you'll still get most of the boring jobs, but there're other things you can do. No field operations, of course, but you'll be okay for most surveillances and some negotiations. Does that suit you?"

"Yeah, that's great, Helen, thanks."

Helen smiled. "Just don't make me have to kick your bum for trying anything too strenuous."

~~ * ~~

Rachel returned to the office she shared with Jack and Mick with a weight lifted from her shoulders. "You guys got a job," she announced, handing Jack a printout Tayler had just given her.

"*We've* got a job?" Mick asked, confused.

"Told him, did you?" Jack asked.

"Yep."

Mick looked even more confused. "Told him what?"

Rachel sighed, "I can see I'm gonna have to make a bloody announcement or something."

"You could let the Chinese Whispers theory do its work," Jack offered.

"Chinese Whispers theory??"

"Yeah, didn't you ever play that when you were a kid? One person whispers something in someone else's ear, then they whisper it to the next person, and so on. Then the last person has to tell everyone else what they heard and see how much it resembles the original message," Jack explained.

"Right," Rachel observed. "Doesn't sound very reliable, Jack."

Jack shrugged.

"Will someone please tell me what's going on!" Mick demanded.

"I've been assigned to a desk job for the next six months or so," Rachel told him.

Mick frowned. "Why?"

"I'll be taking some maternity leave after that," she finished, her stare daring him to ask more questions.

Mick's mouth fell open, and a thought occurred to him. He looked at Jack.

"Nothing to do with me, mate," Jack assured him.

"You guys gonna get going or what?" Rachel asked.

Mick swallowed his questions and followed Jack to the car park.

"I didn't know Rachel was seeing anybody," Mick said, once they were on the road and out of range of the Goldstein glare.

Jack shrugged, not offering any information.

"Howcome you knew about this already, anyway?" Mick asked, suspiciously.

"Hey, I only found out yesterday," Jack protested. "At the bar."

"So you don't know anything else about it?" Mick fished.

Jack shook his head. "Nope," he lied.

~~ * ~~   


[Chapter Four is next][1]

sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer);  sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName;sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth;  function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);} qs=" url='http://counter37.bravenet.com/index.php?'; url += 'id=342677 curl='http://counter37.bravenet.com/counter.php?id=342677 doit('[][2]')  [][3]   


   [1]: journeyc4.html
   [2]: '+url+'
   [3]: http://counter15.bravenet.com/index.php?id=340059&usernum=1268170293&cpv=1



	4. Chapter Four

The Journey: Chapter Four Chapter Four

Rachel gradually spread her news around, but Jack's "Chinese Whispers Theory" was unavoidable. Heading for her locker to collect her bag after a long shift, she heard two of the younger constables gossiping about her in low voices. She stopped out of their sight to hear what they were saying.

"I reckon the baby must be Jack's," said the first. "Remember when he filled in here last year? Well I was on the desk that morning they were both late, and you should have seen them when they finally showed up! He had on the same shirt from the day before, in a crumpled up mess, and she had her sunglasses on. Real subtle. And they both looked like shit warmed up."

The other girl shook her head, "I heard Helen tell Tayler it's Frank's baby. She told her not to tell anyone else, but they didn't know I'd heard too."

"Really?" squealed the first girl. "I always knew there was more to those two than met the eye..."

Rachel decided she'd heard enough. She wasn't going to hide from the gossip, so she walked past the girls, fetched her bag, and walked back, ignoring the guilty looks on their faces.

She wondered when exactly her life had turned into a soap opera. And a bad one, at that.   
~~ * ~~

Telling David wasn't easy, but not as hard as Rachel had expected. He already had a half brother, and he seemed to take the news of another sibling surprisingly well.

"The baby's going to live with you all the time, isn't it, Mum?" he asked.

"Yep," Rachel told him, "So you'll have to come over more often to play with it!" she commanded, pouncing on her son and tickling him all over. Both were rolling on the ground in hysterics by the time the ringing door chime announced Jonathan's arrival.

Rachel got up reluctantly and dragged herself to the door. One last disclosure, and this one she was dreading. She plastered a smile on her face and opened the door, as David came running up beside her.

"Hello, Jonathan," she greeted him, smiling.

Jonathan frowned suspiciously. "David, are you ready?" he asked, ignoring her.

Rachel gritted her teeth and prepared herself for battle. "Um, David, you wanna run inside and grab your bag?" she suggested. David looked from his mother's determined face to his father's customary scowl, and fled.

"You have something to say, Rachel?" Jonathan challenged.

"You'll probably hear it from all your wife's rumourmonger friends anyway, but I thought I might as well tell you myself. I'm pregnant," she finished, head raised and staring him in the eye. Just let him try to make something of it.

"Really," he answered, as though the news didn't surprise him. "And, who is the father?"

"I really don't think that's any of your business, Jonathan," she told him coldly.

"My son calls you Mother, Rachel, and you don't think it is any of my business what sort of loose morals *you* are teaching him?"

"Ooh, yes, you're a one to talk about loose morals, aren't you, Jonathan?" she challenged. "'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' Jonathan? Remember that one?" she asked him, raising an eyebrow pointedly.

Jonathan merely glared at her. "David? Are you ready?" he called again.

David appeared from behind his mother, with his schoolbag on his back. He surprised Rachel by giving her a hug before plodding off to his father's car.

"I'd better not be hearing things about you, Rachel," Jonathan warned, turning and striding to his car before she had a chance to answer. Instead she managed to smile and wave to her son as the Mercedes pulled away.   
~~ * ~~

Rachel walked into the water police offices in a much more cheerful mood than anyone had seen for a while.

"So, what have we got today?" she asked Helen, as she breezed past the front desk.

"Attempted murder," the older woman announced. "Well, so far, anyway--they're still not sure if the guy's gonna pull through or not, it could be upgraded to murder. Here," she finished, handing Rachel the printout.

"Knocked on the head, eh? I think crims these days have lost their finesse, don't you?"

Helen chuckled, "So how are we today?" she asked.

"*We* are doing fine," Rachel informed her, smiling.

"So how did it go with Jonathan?"

"Well, he's still a prick, if that's what you're asking," Rachel answered offhandedly, "But I think it went as well as can be expected."

"What about David?" Helen asked carefully.

"I'm not exactly sure," Rachel frowned. "I think he's okay with it, it'll just need some time to sink in."

"He'll be fine," Helen assured her. "Now you'd better take that upstairs before they fall asleep."

Rachel laughed, heading for the office.

Both men were sitting at their computers typing when she walked in. Tossing the printout onto Jack's desk, she grinned. "Have fun!"

"Oh, come on!" Mick protested. "I still haven't finished the paperwork on the last two cases!"

"Oh well, they'll have to get you another detective soon," Rachel assured him.

"Not soon enough. What have we got?" he asked Jack, who had finished reading the printout.

Rachel passed it along to Mick, who raised an eyebrow. "Used to be a prison officer?" he observed. "Wouldn't have many enemies then, would he?"

"Yeah, right," Rachel remarked dryly. "I'll check his records, see if there are any clues in there," she offered, cleaning the whiteboard of yesterday's case notes. She took the printout Mick had finished with and stuck it up in the corner of the board with a magnet.

"I guess we'll go and check out the crime scene," Jack replied, grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair.

Mick saved his unfinished report, mumbling, "Why can't *I* get a nice easy desk job for a change?"

"Yeah, I could see you in maternity wear," Rachel observed dryly.

Halfway through putting his jacket on, Jack snorted. "I wouldn't mind seeing that, either," he laughed. "C'mon, Twinkle Toes, let's go."

Mick opened his mouth to defend himself, but thought better of it and followed Jack out the door.   
~~ * ~~

"Anything?" Rachel asked, when the detectives arrived back in the office a few hours later.

Jack shook his head. "The wife said he had a few enemies, but she reckons it was par for the course. We should check their whereabouts, though."

"Already done," Rachel told them. "I had a rummage through the prison records with Helen, and we tracked down most of the prisoners who'd made complaints about him."

"Most?" Mick asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, all but one were confirmed as either still inside, or their parole officers vouched for them. The other one, Clive Porter, escaped two days ago while he was being transferred to Emu Plains."

"Any idea where he'd go?"

"Yeah, there were two possibilities. One was a cellmate of his, Rodney Mann, who also complained about Rismore, and the other is his older brother Doug. Here are the addresses," she said, handing them over.

"Thanks, Rach," Jack smiled, pocketing the info.

"Yeah, can you finish my reports for me while you're at it?" Mick asked.

"Mick, I think somehow you are missing the point of every officer writing their own reports."

"What point, burying us in paperwork?," Mick smiled.

"Get out of here," Rachel warned, balling up a bit of paper and throwing it at him. Mick gave her a hurt look before skipping off after Jack.   
~~ * ~~

Half an hour later, Rachel headed to the lunchroom for a bite. Sitting beside Helen and Tayler, she bit into her sandwich with relish.

"Hungry?" Tayler asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You shush," Helen admonished Tayler, then turned to Rachel. "You need to eat properly with a baby on the way."

Rachel looked from one to the other of them, trying to laugh and chew at the same time. "Hey, I'm not an idiot, you know, I have done this before!" She was getting used to Helen fussing over her, but sometimes it was a little too much. She finished her sandwich dutifully, as Jack and Mick arrived back from their chat with Doug Porter.

"Helen, would you be able to look someone up for us?" Mick asked.

Helen, her lunch still half eaten, started to get up, but Rachel said, "I can do it if you like, I'm finished," she offered.

"What name?" Rachel asked, sitting down in Helen's chair.

"Doug Porter," Jack told her, and Rachel typed it in.

"Nothing. He's clean."

"Yeah, right," growled Jack, "And I'm the Queen of Sheba."

Tempting as it was, Rachel and Mick let that one pass.

"How about Lanna," Mick asked. Rachel hit a few keys and a new record came up. A list of prior offences appeared on the screen, along with a picture. Rachel raised an eyebrow. "That her?" she asked.

"Yep, that's her," Jack replied, leaning over her shoulder to read the priors. "A few for soliciting, that's not really surprising. Print it out?"

Rachel nodded and the printer began to whirr. "I reckon she's an undercover," she said suddenly.

Mick and Jack both frowned. "Why would you say that?" Jack asked.

Rachel shrugged. "Just call it women's intuition."

"Yeah, right."

"Hey guys, I've got something for you," Tayler reported, appearing behind them. "A stolen car, with Clive Porter's fingerprints all over it, turned up about a hundred metres away from Rodney Mann's garage."

Jack raised an eyebrow, "So, the little bugger was lying to us, after all."

Then Jeff joined the party. "I've got your warrant to search Doug Porter's place."

Mick shook his head disbelievingly. "It's gonna be one of those days, is it?"

"We'll pay a visit to Rod on the way back, then."

Rachel laughed at their exasperation, "You'll never take me for granted again, will you?"   
~~ * ~~

An hour later, the two detectives returned to the office again, with Rodney Mann in tow. They disappeared into the interview room, shaking their heads at Rachel.

"Are the boys around?" Helen asked Rachel, leaning through the door.

Rachel shook her head. "They're in with Rodney Mann."

"Oh, right. Give them this when they come out would you?" she asked, handing Rachel a large spanner in a plastic evidence bag.

"Looks like an assault weapon to me. Any prints?"

"Nope, Mullet wiped it clean for us."

"Lovely," replied Rachel sarcastically.

Helen smiled and backed out of the door. "Oh, and tell them Porter's place was clean."

Rachel shook her head. Stupid crims were definitely underrated. They made a detective's job a hell of a lot easier.   
~~ * ~~

"Anything?" Rachel asked, when the boys exited the interview room and farewelled Rodney Mann.

"Oh, only a few volumes, Jack informed her. "Apparently, Porter got AIDS from Rismore, and that's the motive for the bashing."

"Rismore's got AIDS?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, an inmate set a booby trap with an aids infected needle," Mick finished. "According to Mann, he raped Clive Porter and passed it on to him."

"Charming," Rachel replied.

"We're off to interview Rismore again, see what he's got to say about this 'new information'."

"All right then, well I probably won't be here when you get back, I'll see you guys tomorrow, ok?"

"Sure thing, Rach."   
~~ * ~~   


[I would like Chapter Five, please.][1]   
  
sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer);  sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName;sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth;  function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);} qs=" url='http://counter37.bravenet.com/index.php?'; url += 'id=342678 curl='http://counter37.bravenet.com/counter.php?id=342678 doit('[][2]')  [][3]   


   [1]: journeyc5.html
   [2]: '+url+'
   [3]: http://counter15.bravenet.com/index.php?id=340059&usernum=1268170293&cpv=1



	5. Chapter Five

The Journey: Chapter Five Chapter Five

"Morning, Tayler," Rachel called, as the door to the water police offices fell shut behind her.

"Morning Rachel," the younger woman answered, as Rachel headed upstairs.

"Rachel!" called Jeff, when she reached the top. "My office, now!"

Rachel frowned, wondering what she'd done, and followed Jeff down the hall and into his office.

"What's going on?" she asked, when he sat down behind his desk.

"Close the door and sit down," he ordered her, and she did.

"There were some interesting developments in the Alan Rismore case after you logged off last night," he began. "It turns out Doug Porter's lady friend is none other than an undercover police officer named Alex St Clare."

Rachel tried to stifle her giggle, without much success.

Jeff frowned, sternly. "Something amusing about that, Detective?" he asked.

Rachel shook her head. "I was imagining Jack's face when you told him that," she explained.

Jeff almost smiled himself. "Undercover has been running surveillance on Doug Porter because it is believed he is expecting a rather large shipment of heroin sometime in the next three days," he continued.

"And our investigation puts theirs in jeopardy?" Rachel asked.

Jeff nodded. "We've come to an agreement that should successfully conclude both investigations," he told her. "Detective St Clare will expand her brief to include the location of Clive Porter, and we will assist them in their surveillance operations. Helen's been out with them all night, I want you to relieve her." He handed her a printout with all the details.

"Sure thing, boss," Rachel answered, excited at the prospect of getting out from behind her desk for a while, even if it was only to watch someone else do the hard work. She got up to leave.

"One more thing, Rachel," Jeff began, "I'm sure I don't need to tell you that Detective St Clare's true identity is on a need to know basis. Keep it to yourself."

"Right."

"Oh, and I know it's a big ask, but try to keep Jack on a short leash, will you? I don't need any stuff-ups on this one."

~~ * ~~

Helen looked extremely bleary-eyed when Rachel arrived to relieve her; Rachel guessed she hadn't been home since the day before. "Go and get some sleep," she ordered, as soon as her friend had brought her up to speed. Helen smiled, too tired to protest, and left.

"She's back," Larsen announced from the couch, and Rachel turned to the screens to observe "Lanna" being let into Doug Porter's house.

Sitting down on the couch next to Larsen, Rachel put on a set of headphones. At first it was small talk; "Good morning," "How are you," that sort of thing. Then came the clincher. Porter gave Alex a shopping list full of antibiotics and medical supplies. Rachel picked up the phone and let Jack know, hoping Jeff would keep him from jumping in too early.

Forty minutes later, when Alex returned to Porter's place, he was gone. Rachel had been watching the front door the whole time and hadn't seen him leave. Neither had anyone else in the house.

Sighing, Rachel called Jack and reported that their suspect looked to have flown the coop. He was unimpressed, especially when Doug reappeared just as mysteriously. After yelling at the surveillance team, he went to find Alex, before anyone could stop him.

Thumping on the door in true copper style, he barged his way in and demanded to see the drugs she'd bought.

"Porter might have got you to pick up a bag of fakes to act as a decoy," he explained to Alex, who was not happy to be dealing with Jack's interference.

"Yeah, that's why I checked them!" she yelled back at him.

Back in the house across the road, Rachel shook her head in disgust, wondering why Jeff thought she could do anything to keep him in check.

~~ * ~~

Not too much later, Rachel got to actually travel in a police car again. Conveniently forgetting to inform Detective Larsen of her restrictions, she headed off with him to the marina to watch for Clive and Doug Porter.

They had plenty of time to send out their teams, as Doug didn't show up for at least another half-hour.

"He's here," Rachel relayed when she saw him get out of a taxi and head over to Alex. The tension in the air increased, and Rachel prayed Jack would control himself if Clive did show up. Rismore had since died, which had only made him more eager to wrap this one up.

Alex and Doug got onto a launch and headed out onto the harbour, followed at a discreet distance by two unmarked police launches. Unfortunately, not quite discreet enough. Doug Porter noticed the boats following him and dropped his brother off.

The rats lost him, much to Jack's rather loud indignation.

~~ * ~~

The next day turned up more evidence.

The autopsy results showed Rismore had been killed by an injection of heroin into his IV, and Rodney Mann's prints were found all over his credit card. When Mann was brought back in, he confessed his involvement in Rismore's bashing, but claimed to know nothing about the murder.

"You believe him?" Rachel asked Jack, when the interview was suspended.

"Yeah, he 'fessed up to everything else, if he'd done the murder he would've said. I reckon it was Porter; he had the means and the motive."

"Doug Porter? How are you going to prove that?" Larsen asked.

Jack turned to him, "If you could get us a sample of the stuff he's dealing, we'll send it off to the lab and see if they come up with a match."

"I'll see what I can do," Larsen agreed. Begrudgingly.

It only took twenty minutes to set up.

"You look gorgeous," Rachel teased Tayler, as she headed out to pick up the drugs.

"Thanks, I might dress like this more often, what do you reckon?"

Rachel laughed, "I'd advise against it, unless you're looking for a second job in the vicinity of King's Cross."

~~ * ~~

Back on surveillance, Rachel and Larsen watched Alex leave to meet Tayler. A few minutes later Jack radioed them to tell them Doug Porter had tailed her. Again, they hadn't seen him leave.

"He must have an exit we don't know about," Larsen sighed.

"Well, obviously," Rachel answered, a little sharply, "But where is it?" She turned back to the house, where Alex had arrived back, followed closely by Doug.

He sent Alex out again with a package for Clive, and the boys followed her to Clive's hideout.

At lunchtime, Helen arrived to relieve Rachel, who headed back to the office.

~~ * ~~

A few hours later, she heard the whole operation had gone to hell. No more quiet surveillance for Rachel.

It turned out the heroin sample Tayler had collected did match that in Rismore's bloodstream, which meant Alex was missing, in the company of a murderer. Clive Porter was brought in, but he refused to talk, and eventually collapsed in the interview room.

Rachel got the unenviable job of answering the phones in the office while just about everyone else went out on the drug bust. She itched to get involved but she knew the risk wasn't worth it. She heard the next day that Detective St Clare had narrowly escaped death by a forced overdose of heroin.

There were some aspects of fieldwork Rachel didn't miss.

~~ * ~~

TWO WEEKS LATER

"I tell you though, that woman had balls of steel," Jack finished, as Helen appeared in the doorway.

"Hey guys, I've got someone for you to meet," she announced. Three pairs of eyes turned towards the intelligence officer, who stepped aside to allow Alex St Clare to enter the room.

"Thanks for the compliment," she nodded to Jack, grinning at his obvious embarrassment. Then she saw Rachel. "Rachel Goldstein?"

"Alex St Clare," Rachel smiled.

Jack and Mick looked on in surprise as Rachel stood up and hugged the younger woman. Mick spoke first. "Is there something you wanted to tell us, Rach?"

Rachel laughed. "We worked together at Rose Bay."

"Oh, well, I was a uniform on front counter then," Alex chimed in, "But we became good friends."

"So why didn't you tell us that, Rach, instead of feeding us that woman's intuition crap?"

"Sorry, Jack," Rachel giggled, "It was much more fun letting you believe I was psychic."

"Yeah I'll bet," he told her, not looking particularly impressed.

"What's all this?"

"Oh it's a long story," Rachel told her, "Why don't we all go down the bar after we knock off, and we can catch up on old times?"

"Sounds great to me!" Alex exclaimed.

Jack turned to Mick, "Ever get the feeling you've lost the balance of power?"

Mick smirked, "Like you ever had it, Jack."

~~ * ~~   


[I'm ready for Chapter Six!][1]   


sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer);  sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName;sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth;  function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);} qs=" url='http://counter37.bravenet.com/index.php?'; url += 'id=342679 curl='http://counter37.bravenet.com/counter.php?id=342679 doit('[][2]')  [][3]   


   [1]: journeyc6.html
   [2]: '+url+'
   [3]: http://counter15.bravenet.com/index.php?id=340059&usernum=1268170293&cpv=1



	6. Chapter Six

The Journey: Chapter Six SONG LYRIC CREDITS: You Were Meant For Me (Jewel), Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad? (Def Leppard). 

Chapter Six

"Oh yeah? Well screw you too, Christey!" Alex yelled, slamming the door on her way out.

Jack heard a snort from behind him, and turned to see Mick and Rachel doing their best not to laugh.

"What, you reckon it's funny, do you?"

Rachel shook her head, still giggling. "You like her," she accused.

"What?!"

"Come on, it's obvious!" Mick added from his corner.

"She likes you too," Rachel told him, grinning.

"Yeah, right. She just told me to get screwed, remember?"

"Well, you know what that means, don't you?" Rachel asked, all innocence.

Jack shook his head. "I'm not listening to any more of this. I'll see you guys at the bar."   
~~ * ~~

"Gees, I could have beaten Jack to a pulp today," Alex complained to Rachel.

"Yeah, you guys did seem to rub each other the wrong way just a bit," Rachel replied, hiding a smile.

"I just wish I knew why he has to criticise everything I say and do!"

Rachel giggled. "That's because he likes you."

Alex frowned. "You could have fooled me!"

"Well, that's his way," Rachel informed her friend.

"And what a charming way it is," Alex observed.

"You like him, too, don't you?" Rachel asked.

Alex said nothing for a minute, but then she nodded. "I don't know why," she shrugged, "He drives me nuts most of the time."

"Don't worry, he has that effect on everyone!"

"I'd noticed," Alex observed, dryly.

Rachel grinned. "Don't reel him in right away," she advised. "Let him dangle a bit, that should teach him."

They giggled like schoolgirls sharing a secret.

"What's so funny?" Jack asked, appearing behind them.

"Oh, nothing," Rachel told him, straight-faced. "You buying?"

Put on the spot, he answered, "Yeah, I suppose. Lemonade?" he asked. Rachel nodded.

"Ah, a Corona, a lemonade, and a glass of cabernet sauvignon," Jack requested.

Alex raised an eyebrow. The barman delivered the drinks, and Jack handed hers over with a small bow of his head. It was all she could do to keep her mouth shut.

"Peace offering," he informed her.

Alex caught Rachel smirking behind his back.   
~~ * ~~

Alex and Jack became a couple with a minimum of angst, and Rachel patted herself on the back, being one of the few who was in on the secret. Alex was only with them temporarily anyway, until after Rachel's maternity leave. All they had to do was be discreet until then, but that was much easier said than done. Rumours were rife, but even the silliest of constables were smart enough not to gossip anywhere near Jeff's ears. Rachel couldn't help but be pleased; at least they'd stopped talking about her. For a while.

Weeks slowly passed, and Rachel missed Frank more every day. Postcards arrived about once a month, from Fiji, Samoa (with a special hello to Tommy) and then a longer letter from Raratonga. The speck in the distance became even smaller by the day, and though he said he missed her, he was unwavering in his quest.

**_Dear Rachel,_**   
**_Well, if you thought Sydney gets hot, you should try visiting Raratonga! I've docked here for about a week, to replenish my food stores and have a bit of a rest. Maybe I'll give you a call while I'm here. I can't believe I've been gone for five months. I miss you, Rach, do you miss me? I dunno, maybe you're not even reading this. Maybe you've moved on and you're throwing these letters away unopened. Maybe you're laughing at them._****__**

**_No, I know you wouldn't do that. I can't help thinking it, though. I can't help but wonder, would it, would we ever have happened if I hadn't been leaving? Would we have danced around each other forever, or would we have eventually seen the light?_****__**

**_Do you love me? I'm too scared to hear the answer._****__**

**_You said it meant something to you, but did you mean it? Or was it safe to say because I was leaving?_****__**

**_Anyway, I'm running out of room, so I'll say goodbye. I'll be thinking of you._****__**

**_Francis James Holloway_**

He never sent any kind of return address. Although Rachel couldn't imagine what she would write to him at this late stage. "**_Dear Frank, Hi, how are you? I'm sorry to tell you this so late, but you're going to be a father in about four months. See you in two years, Love Rachel_**."

Ridiculous.

She was well and truly starting to show by now, and she'd done all the tests, which came out clean, much to her relief. They'd asked her if she wanted to know the sex, and she'd said no. At least it made her feel better, in some small way, about Frank not knowing if she kept the secret from herself. She'd taken to keeping a journal of letters, writing all the things she wanted to say to him, but couldn't.

**_I go about my business, I'm doin' fine_**   
**_Besides, what would I say if I had you on the line?_**   
**_Same old story not much to say_**   
**_Hearts are broken every day..._**   
~~ * ~~

Finally, the day came for Rachel to stop working. It was a fairly normal day, work-wise. There was a rather gruesome boat accident, but no one was at fault, and the detectives concluded their investigation before four.

"I always enjoy an easy day," Alex commented, sitting back in her chair.

Rachel laughed. "They're the best kind. I mean, everyone thinks we do nothing but cruise around the harbour, anyway. It's nice when you actually get to *do* that, isn't it?" she sighed. "Ooh," she exclaimed suddenly, frowning.

"What is it?" Jack asked, looking worried.

"Oh, don't panic," Rachel laughed, "The baby kicked, that's all."

"Ooh, can I feel?" Alex asked, eagerly.

"Yeah, sure!"

Alex gingerly put her hand on Rachel's stomach and waited.

Rachel felt the baby kick again.

Alex jumped in surprise. "Wow!" she exclaimed. "How often does that happen?"

"It depends," Rachel answered. "Sometimes I feel like a punching bag, other times there's not much at all. Actually, David wasn't as active as this one," she joked, "Must be the genes!"

"I hope I get to have a baby someday," Alex sighed.

"Better watch it, Jack. You know what they say; one woman gets pregnant and all the others get clucky! And now you're engaged--" Mick teased. Jack took a fake swing at him, but Mick only dodged it and laughed harder.

Alex sat down in her chair again, and busied herself typing.

"Hey, Rach, could you come and give me a hand with something?" Tayler asked, appearing in the doorway as if by magic.

"I suppose," Rachel frowned, smelling a rat. She followed Tayler down the stairs, and to the meal room. She heard the other three detectives following them, trying to be quiet. How on earth had Alex ever managed undercover work when she couldn't stop giggling?

Tayler pushed open the meal room door.

"SURPRISE!!" yelled the rest of the office staff.

Rachel attempted to look surprised. Alex and the boys caught up to her, Alex grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Didn't think you'd get away without a party did you?" she laughed.

"Thanks guys," Rachel said, smiling. Jack handed her a lemonade, and Mick fetched a piece of cake.

"Sit," Tayler commanded, fetching her a chair.   
Jeff tapped a spoon on his glass, and slowly the conversation died down. "I won't make a long speech," he began. A few people coughed, quietly. "But let me say that Rachel Goldstein is one of the best detectives I have ever worked with, and we'll all be sorry to lose her, even temporarily."

"Hear, hear," a few voices agreed. Rachel felt her cheeks colour; she'd never really liked being the centre of attention.

"And furthermore," Jeff continued, "I consider myself lucky to count her as a friend."   
This time Rachel definitely blushed.

"I've gotten you this gift, Rachel, I hope you'll like it," he told her, handing her a neatly wrapped parcel.

Rachel pulled the paper off to reveal a box of Guylian seashells. Unfortunately, seashells reminded her of Frank. She shoved that thought out of her mind for the moment, and kissed Jeff on the cheek. "Thanks," she told him. Now it was Jeff's turn to blush.   
Mick, Tayler, Gavin and Tommy each handed her packages, which revealed in turn more chocolates, clothes for the baby, a box of biscuits and a pendant that Tommy told her was a Samoan good luck charm.

"Hang it over the baby's cot, and the spirits of your ancestors will watch over him," he told her.

Helen then handed a flat rectangular gift. Rachel removed the paper to reveal a photo frame. It was made of gold, with silver leaves around the edge. "It's beautiful!" Rachel exclaimed, giving Helen a hug.

Helen smiled, "Just don't be a stranger, ok?" she ordered, wiping a tear from her eye.

"Hey, that goes for you too!" Rachel told her. "For *all* of you!"

"Rach," Jack said softly.

She turned to him and he handed her a rather lumpy present.

"It's from both of us," Alex told her, grinning.

It was a teddy bear, with a waistcoat and a bow tie. Instead of an eye on the right side, he had a closed lid, so that he looked like he was winking. "He's so cute!" Rachel exclaimed, holding the bear at arm's length, and then giving him a little hug.

"Time for a photograph!" Jeff called. Constable Brennan offered to take the photograph, and Rachel stood between Jack and Alex, looking out of the meal room window, onto the harbour. Again she thought of Frank, wondering what he was doing, what he was thinking. Perhaps, somewhere out there, he was wondering what *she* was doing and thinking.   
~~ * ~~

**_Hi Rach,_**   
**_Well, I miss you. More than ever thought I would. I'm in port for a couple of days, taking some more stores on board, so I figured now was a good time to write. I wish you could write back, but I'll be back out on the open sea by the time you get this. Then again, that might be a good thing, because maybe I can tell you some things I never dared to before._****__**

**_I love you, Rach. I'm sorry I never managed to tell you that before, but I think you knew anyway, didn't you? You always saw straight through me._****__**

**_I remember more now about the night before I left, but it's so hazy I sometimes wonder if I imagined it all._**

Rachel's hand involuntarily drifted downwards to rub her swollen abdomen. The baby made its presence known by doing a somersault. "It definitely happened, Frank," she said softly, unable to contain a maniacal giggle at the irony of his statement, and the absurdity of her situation.

**_I don't know if we'll ever do it again, but I want you to know I'll never forget the way it felt to hold you in my arms and make love to you._****__**

**_Francis James Holloway_**

Rachel shivered. 'Damn you, Frank,' she thought. 'How dare you turn me on when you're not around to follow through!'

**_Have you ever needed someone so bad?_**   
**_Have you ever wanted someone you just couldn't have?_**   
**_Did you ever try so hard that your world just fell apart?_**   
**_Have you ever needed someone so bad?_**

A knock on her front door made Rachel jump. Guiltily, she refolded the letter and shoved it back in its envelope, before carefully manoeuvring herself out of the chair.

She'd have to get a stool to sit on or something. Standing up was getting harder as the baby grew.

"Alex!" she exclaimed, opening the door to reveal her friend on the doorstep.

Alex smiled, a little uncertainly. "Can I come in?"

Rachel frowned. "What's wrong?"

Alex bit her lip. "I don't know what to do," she admitted.

Rachel worriedly guided her to a chair, and sat down herself. "Tell me all of it."

"I'm pregnant, I think," Alex confided.

"What, is it an epidemic?" Rachel wondered aloud. Then she saw the look on her friend's face. "It's not a good thing?" she asked carefully.

"Well... I dunno. Part of me is really excited about the idea, it's just... when Mick was joking around the other day, about me being clucky, you know?"

"You're worried about Jack?"

"Yeah. It didn't seem like it was something he was looking forward to."   
Rachel shrugged. "It's not something he's going to admit in front of Mick, is it? Not very 'blokey'. I think you're underestimating him. He asked you to *marry* him."

"We didn't talk about having a family though."

"That doesn't mean he doesn't want one. You have to talk to him about it. He would make a great Dad, you know."

"I'm just not sure what to do."

"That's up to you," Rachel said, "But I'd recommend finding out for sure, then you can move on from there. One step at a time."

"Yeah. Thanks, Rachel."

"Anytime."   
~~ * ~~

Rachel shifted uncomfortably on the couch. It was much easier than getting up at this point. Since she'd left work, there didn't seem to be much else to do other than to watch television shows. She couldn't believe she actually cared whether pretty-boy Joel and silly-girl Felicity got back together or not.

**_Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours..._**

Finished already? Rachel grunted in disgust. Now she'd have to watch again tomorrow to find out.

She'd picked up the remote and began flicking through channels to see what else was on, when her doorbell chimed.

Too hard to get up. "Come in," she called. It was probably Jack and Alex, or Helen, come to visit her. No one else would come by this late. She heard the door open behind her, and swivelled in her seat as far as she could.

"Hi," she greeted, "I'd get up, but--" she stopped as her eyes told her it wasn't Helen, or Jack, or Alex standing on her carpet.

It was Frank.

Rachel froze; Frank smiled.

"But you've turned into a couch potato since I've been gone?" Frank asked, smiling.   
Rachel frowned, then realised he couldn't see. The back of the couch was blocking his view of her from the shoulders down. She closed her mouth, wondering what to do.

She had literally seconds to decide, as Frank started walking towards her. Unfortunately, her brain seemed to be wrapped in cotton wool, and she couldn't say anything.

Three more steps and he would see for himself.

Two more.

One more...

Rachel jerked awake. Her heart was thudding in her chest, and she was breathing heavily. Even the baby was restless, turning somersaults..

It was the third time she'd had the same dream. All this stress couldn't be good for her. She slowly rolled out of bed and headed for the kitchen to get herself a drink of water.

Why was she having all these dreams now? Maybe it was caused by roller coaster hormone levels or something. Then again, maybe her brain wasn't getting enough exercise without crims to catch and crimes to solve. That coupled with her very real fear of Frank showing up at the most inconvenient moment possible, even though if he stuck to his own schedule she wouldn't see him for at least another year.   


[Chapter Seven looks good...][1]   


sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer);  sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName;sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth;  function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);} qs=" url='http://counter39.bravenet.com/index.php?'; url += 'id=342979 curl='http://counter39.bravenet.com/counter.php?id=342979 doit('[][2]')  [][3]   


   [1]: journeyc7.html
   [2]: '+url+'
   [3]: http://counter15.bravenet.com/index.php?id=340059&usernum=1268170293&cpv=1



	7. Chapter Seven

The Journey: Chapter Seven SONG LYRIC CREDITS 7: Painters (Jewel), Lightning Crashes (Live).

Chapter 7

"It's Monday night, pickup night," Jeff announced. "Ax will make the drop as usual, only this time we'll be there."

"Look Jeff, we don't even know where this location's gonna be," Alex complained.

"If it's on tonight, Jeff, there's not much time to set it up," Jack added.

"This guy's the only link we've got," Jeff told them. "I want him to know that you two are just *this* far behind him all the way," he ordered. Alex nodded.

"We're gonna need Mick for this," Helen added, "I'll call him."

"Right."

~~ * ~~

Rachel shifted uncomfortably, as she felt another twinge. She'd been having them on and off for a couple of hours, and they were definitely getting stronger. She put her book down and levered herself out of the chair she was sitting in. Picking up the phone, she dialled her father's number.

"Dad? Yeah, it's me. Are you busy? Can you drive me to the hospital?"

"I'm on my way, Rachel," he told her, and she hung up, going upstairs to pick up her already packed overnight bag. She paused for a moment, seeing the photograph of her and Frank in the frame Helen had given her, and then picked it up and put it in the bag as well.

~~ * ~~

Ax's mobile phone rang.

"You just remember what I told you," Jack warned.

Ax answered the phone. "Yeah? Yeah, it's Ax. OK, five minutes." He hung up

"Ok, it's the end of the Glebe Island Bridge," Jack told Alex, "I couldn't pick the sex, the voice was muffled."

Alex relayed the information back to Helen.

~~ * ~~

It wasn't until they pulled into the hospital car park almost half an hour later that the contractions became painful. Rachel grimaced, waiting for the latest one to pass. Her father looked at her worriedly, as he opened her car door for her and helped her out of the car.

~~ * ~~

"Where on earth is he?" Helen wondered aloud, as she tried Mick Reilly's mobile for the seventh time. "He knows he's on call!"

She kept trying, but it was still switched off.

~~ * ~~

"I need the phone," Ax said suddenly.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well I get another call after I arrive!" Ax told them

"Yeah, sure mate, sure you do," Jack scoffed, as his partner got back into the car.

"Look, I gotta wait for the phone to ring before I can go in, honest! I'm serious!" Ax protested.

"Come on! Get in the car!" Alex complained.

"Look if they don't go for it, that's your problem!" Ax stormed back to his car.

"Hey, hey, why didn't you tell us this before?" Jack asked, suspiciously.

"I didn't think of it!" Ax replied.

Jack gave him the phone back, reluctantly. "You better play this straight with me, you bastard," he warned.

"What's going on with the phone?" Alex asked, when he finally got into the car.

"Oh, he's waiting on another call. Let's go."

~~ * ~~

Rachel bit her tongue as another contraction hit. They were definitely getting worse. She was beginning to regret refusing the gas, but she felt she needed a little pain to keep her mind on things. She'd also told her Dad he didn't need to stay with her.

She wished desperately for Frank.

~~ * ~~

Jack and Alex followed Ax's car through the streets of Sydney.

"What if he tips them off?" Alex asked.

"Well, if he does that, we hear him on the wire, and we have his balls for breakfast."

"I just lost my appetite," Alex replied.

The sound of a ringing phone emitted from the wire. "He's pulling over," Alex said unnecessarily, driving in unobtrusively a few metres behind.

They waited.

"C'mon, how long does it take to say g'day?" Jack complained.

"Not this long," Alex agreed.

Jack opened the car door and was about to step out when suddenly Ax took off.

~~ * ~~

Rachel closed her eyes and tried to calm herself down. She couldn't shake the feeling something had gone wrong, although she couldn't pinpoint it either.

The doctor carefully felt her stomach and frowned. Rachel felt a chill shoot down her spine.

~~ * ~~

Alex concentrated on staying on Ax's tail, as the radio crackled to life with questions, and Jack swore.

"We don't know where they are, they're not talking," Jack told Helen. "Yeah, when we know, you'll know." He informed them of their heading and signed off again.

Then they found Ax's car, parked in front of the disused power station. The lights were still on, and the driver's door was left open.

Jack radioed their location in, and Alex checked out the car. The phone was on the dash, and the keys were in the ignition.

~~ * ~~

"What's going on?" Rachel demanded.

"Nothing to worry about," the doctor soothed, with a smile that worried her even more.

Rachel summoned her best glare. "Tell me what's wrong," she demanded again.

The doctor sighed. "Your baby is presenting in the breech position. Posterior first," the doctor explained.

In any other circumstances Rachel would have laughed.

"What does that mean?" she asked worriedly.

"Well, obviously head first is preferable, but there isn't really any cause for alarm. We'll monitor you both carefully to make sure there are no complications. You'll be fine," the doctor assured her.

~~ * ~~

The power station was silent, except for an eerie hum. There was no sign of Ax, or anyone else, for that matter. Jack and Alex looked at each other, silently agreeing. Each drew their gun and carefully checked all the nooks and crannies. Finding nothing, each searched one side of the building, before climbing opposite flights of stairs to a second floor platform. Both Alex and Jack padded silently along their half of the platform, looking this way and that, until they bumped into each other in the middle.

~~ * ~~

Despite the doctor's reassurance, Rachel couldn't shake the feeling of impending doom. The contractions were coming closer now, and were much more painful, although not unbearable.

"You're fully dilated now," the doctor told her. "Next contraction you can start bearing down for me."

Rachel did as she was instructed. It was such a relief to be finally doing something.

~~ * ~~

Both detectives sighed in relief and holstered their guns.

"C'mon, let's go and have a drink," Jack suggested.

Alex smiled, "Maybe the dogs'll pick him up outside," she suggested.

"Now maybe Ax, maybe he's not as stupid as he looks," Jack theorised, leading the way down the stairs, "Maybe there never was a meet. Maybe he's the supplier. Maybe this was all a set-up. I tell you what, I find the little bastard, I'll kick his ass for him."

Alex laughed, and turned to follow him down the stairs, but out of the corner of her eye, she saw a movement. She turned to see what it was, and spotted a man, huddled in the shadows, staring at her in fear. It took her a bare moment to place the features.

Graham Denton.

They'd met him that morning, along with another immigration employee. She was so surprised to see him there that she was slow to react when he flew at her.

Too slow.

~~ * ~~

An alarm went off on one of the monitors, and Rachel had to force herself not to panic.

"What's that mean?" she demanded, wide eyed.

"The baby isn't getting enough oxygen," the doctor informed her. "The cord may be obstructed in some way. I think we're going to have to perform an emergency Caesarean section."

"Do whatever you have to," Rachel told him.

~~ * ~~

White hot pain shot through Alex, and she crumpled, trying to call for Jack, but she couldn't seem to find the breath.

She must have made some sound though, because he turned, calling her name. He fired his weapon, but she knew the bastard had gotten away.

Alex groaned and fought for breath as Jack found her, and the look on his face told her that it was bad. He called for an ambulance, a tear escaping from his eye.

~~ * ~~

A thin but piercing cry echoed through the night air.

"It's a girl!" announced the doctor, smiling. Rachel watched him tie off and cut the umbilical cord, and then the nurse put her daughter in her arms. The baby, red faced and bald, studied her for a second, and then promptly fell asleep. Rachel would have laughed, if she hadn't been so tired herself. The nurse gently took the baby away again, and Rachel felt her eyelids get droopy.

Exhausted, she fell asleep.

**_Lightning crashes, a new mother cries_**   
**_Her placenta falls to the floor_**   
**_The angel opens her eyes_**   
**_The confusion sets in before the doctor can even close the door_**

~~ * ~~

"It's okay, Alex, it's okay," Jack repeated over and over, trying to convince himself as well as her. "You just hold on, it's okay."

Alex couldn't think of anything but pain. She writhed on the ground, feeling his arms around her. They helped, somehow, but oh, the pain! Take it away, Jack, please! she begged silently.

Jack forced himself to stay together, for her sake. They were out of the way here, so he carefully picked her up and carried her down the stairs, and outside. There was no sign of the dogs or the ambulance.

Alex's groaning had degenerated to a quiet whimper.

"Alex? Hang on, Alex, just hang on," Jack cried, feeling more and more desperate. Where was the ambulance?

Finally, he heard sirens. Alex looked up at him, seemed to be trying to say something.

"Jack? I'm..." she drew another shuddering breath. "I'm dying, aren't I?"

**_Love I leave, but only a little,_**   
**_Try to understand_**   
**_I've put my soul in this life we've created_**   
**_With these four hands_**

Jack shook his head, refusing to believe it. "You can't die, Alex, I love you," he sobbed. "Can you hear me, Alex? I love you, I love you!"

Alex tried to focus her eyes, but everything was blurry. She knew she was dying, but all she could think of was the baby... the baby would be dead too. If it wasn't already. She was so tired... She closed her eyes, just for a second...

"Alex! No, Alex, stay with me, stay with me, please!!" Jack begged.

With great effort, Alex forced her eyes open once more. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

And she died.

**_Lightning crashes, an old mother dies_**   
**_Her intentions fall to the floor_**   
**_The angel closes her eyes_**   
**_The confusion that was hers belongs now to the baby down the hall_**

~~ * ~~ 

[Chapter Eight][1]   


sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer);  sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName;sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth;  function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);} qs=" url='http://counter39.bravenet.com/index.php?'; url += 'id=343074 curl='http://counter39.bravenet.com/counter.php?id=343074 doit('[][2]')  [][3]   


   [1]: journeyc8.html
   [2]: '+url+'
   [3]: http://counter15.bravenet.com/index.php?id=340059&usernum=1268170293&cpv=1



	8. Chapter Eight

The Journey: Chapter Eight SONG LYRIC CREDITS 8: Out Of Tears (The Rolling Stones)

Chapter 8

Rachel woke up, feeling very sore. She carefully pulled herself up to a sitting position, wincing. Her new daughter lay sleeping in a small cot beside the bed. Rachel wanted to go and pick her up, but her stitches didn't think she should be standing upright just yet.

Begrudgingly, she rang for the nurse.

"Still a bit sore, are you?" the nurse asked her sympathetically when Rachel communicated her desire. Smiling, she picked up the baby and handed her to her mother before quietly exiting the room.

The baby stirred in her mother's arms, but she didn't wake. Rachel gently touched the baby's wisps of blonde hair. She wondered if it would stay that colour, or darken to a shade more like hers. The little girl's nose was so tiny it was barely there, but Rachel was sure the mouth looked like Frank's. "You have a daughter, Frank," she whispered. "A beautiful daughter."

A discreet knock on the open door indicated the return of the nurse. "You have a visitor," she announced, smiling, and then stepped aside.

"David!" Rachel was surprised to see her son here on his own. She hadn't thought Jonathon would let him visit her.

He smiled, "I told Dad I wanted to ride my bike to school, and I left early so I could come and see you on the way," he explained.

"Did Grandad call you?"

He nodded. "Can I hold her?" he asked.

Rachel gently gave him the baby, explaining how to support her head. David studied his little sister carefully.

When she wrapped her tiny fingers around his, he looked up at his mum and smiled. "I think she likes me!" he giggled.

Rachel smiled back; not having the heart to tell him it was only a reflex. She'd been worried how David would react, after being the centre of her universe for the last twelve years, but he seemed quite taken with her.

"Mum," he began suddenly, "We don't have the same Dad, do we?" he asked.

Rachel swallowed. She'd known this question would come sooner or later. She shook her head. "No, you don't."

David nodded, he'd figured this out already. "So who *is* her Dad?" he asked.

Rachel debated how to answer this question, but she finally decided that the direct approach was best. "You remember Frank."

David nodded, thoughtfully. "You should have made him stay, Mum," he said.   
Little bugger, thought Rachel. Where had he learnt to be so blunt?

Silly question.

~~ * ~~

"Rachel!" Felix Friedman greeted as he entered his daughter's room.

"Hi Dad," Rachel smiled.

Felix smiled back, but there was something about his smile that put Rachel on guard.

"What is it?" she asked immediately.

He sighed, and sat down by her bed. "I telephoned Helen to tell her where you were," he told her, "And she told me one of your friends was killed last night," he told her gently, "A Detective Alex... St Clare?"

Rachel nodded, dumbfounded.

"I'm sorry, Rachel."

Rachel wiped tears from her eyes. She would deal with it later, she decided. Trying to smile, she asked her father, "Would you like to meet your granddaughter?"

~~ * ~~

It was almost as if a shadow fell across the room when Jack appeared in the doorway. Rachel didn't know what to say to him, so she waited for him to speak first.

"Alex is dead," he said bluntly.

**_I can't feel, feel a thing_**   
**_I can't shout, I can't scream_**   
**_Breathe it out, breathe it in_**   
**_All this love from within_**

"I heard. Jack, I'm so sorry," she told him, knowing words were inadequate.

He nodded, looking as if his world was coming to an end.

"What happened?" she asked carefully.

Jack sat down heavily in the chair her father had vacated. His head dropped into his hands, and Rachel saw his shoulders shake from sobbing. Some minutes passed before he wiped his eyes roughly and looked up to meet Rachel's sympathetic eyes.

"I turned my back on her," he whispered. "It was only for a minute, but it was enough. He stabbed her with a piece of glass, and she died before the ambulance got there."

Rachel felt her own eyes sting with tears as she leaned forward and put her arms around her grieving friend. She felt his tension ease a little as he began crying on the shoulder of her hospital gown. Rachel cried too; for Alex, who was gone; for Jack, who was alone; and for Frank, who was oblivious to everything.

"I'm gonna get him," Jack vowed. "Whoever he is, I'm gonna make sure he gets what's coming to him."

"Jack, don't do anything stupid," Rachel warned, sitting back against her pillows. "She wouldn't want you to."

"I know," he said, looking down. "She said she wanted to talk to me about something," he confessed. "We never got around to it. She's been so distant, I thought she was going to break it off. I thought that was the worst thing that could happen. I could have let her go, if that was what she wanted. I'd rather she was alive and happy without me."

"She loved you, Jack," Rachel whispered. "Don't ever doubt it."

"It doesn't matter now, does it?"

"It does," Rachel insisted. She resisted the urge to quote the cliche; it would be extremely unhelpful at this point.

He took a deep breath, and seemed to push all thoughts of his fiance to the back of his mind. Standing up, he walked around the bed to the cot on the other side. He stared down at the tiny form for a few seconds; his face expressionless.

"You can pick her up if you like," Rachel told him.

She wasn't sure if he'd even heard her or not, until he carefully leaned forward and picked the baby up. She woke up, but she didn't cry, instead squinting at him as if she was trying to figure out where she'd seen him before.

Rachel noticed the faintest suggestion of a smile cross Jack's face. "How would you feel about being her godfather?" she asked carefully.

Jack looked back at Rachel, his face unreadable. "I'd be honoured," he answered quietly. He sat down in the chair by the bed, gently rocking the baby as he did. "What are you going to call her?"

Rachel bit her lip, wondering if now was the right time to ask. She'd never been definite on a name, until her father had told her the news that morning.

"How about Alex?" she asked softly.

"I think she'd like that," Jack agreed softly.

~~ * ~~

Rachel awoke from a doze a few hours later to see Helen carefully placing a package on her bedside table.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she apologised. "I was trying not to wake you."

"Oh, that's okay," Rachel laughed, wincing as she carefully pulled herself up to a sitting position.

Helen handed the present to Rachel, who carefully took off the wrapping. Underneath was a red jumpsuit and a box of liqueur chocolates.

Rachel smiled. "Thank you!"

Helen leaned over and gave her friend a hug. She sat down next to the bed, and became serious again. "Your Dad told you?" she asked.

Rachel nodded sadly.

"I would have come earlier, but..."

"Yeah, I know," Rachel answered quietly. "You will keep an eye on Jack, won't you?"

"Of course. He's been to see you?"

"Yeah. I don't know what to say to him. Helen, can I ask your advice about something?" she asked, frowning.

"You know the answer to that."

"There was something Alex told me, a few weeks ago. I can't decide if I should tell Jack or not."

"Do you think he should know?"

"Yes... and no. She was pregnant, Helen," Rachel told her. Saying it made her throat hurt with grief.

Helen's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh no! And Jack didn't know?"

Rachel shook her head.

"Maybe it was for the best," Helen said. "What good would it do him to know now?"

Rachel sighed. "Maybe you're right. It just might be the thing that pushes him over the edge."

~~ * ~~

Jack came to visit her every day, looking like death warmed up, and they shared more than a few tears that week. Helen and her father were extremely supportive, and eventually, there seemed to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Baby Alex was a charmer. She had everybody who looked at her smiling and making baby noises in seconds. Even Jack seemed to lose a bit of gloom when she wrapped her little fingers around his.

A week after the birth, Rachel was discharged from the hospital, under the proviso she didn't drive or attempt to lift any heavy objects for the next six weeks, which seemed to her a rather excessive period of time.

~~ * ~~

  
On to [Chapter Nine][1]   
  
  
sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer);  sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName;sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth;  function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);} qs=" url='http://counter39.bravenet.com/index.php?'; url += 'id=343075 curl='http://counter39.bravenet.com/counter.php?id=343075 doit('[][2]')  [][3]   


   [1]: journeyc9.html
   [2]: '+url+'
   [3]: http://counter15.bravenet.com/index.php?id=340059&usernum=1268170293&cpv=1



	9. Chapter Nine

The Journey: Chapter Nine SONG LYRIC CREDITS 9: August 7, 4:15 (Bon Jovi), I Will Love You 'Til The Day I Die (Crowded House), Together Alone (Crowded House), Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me (Elton John). 

Chapter 9 

Alex St Clare was laid to rest with full police honours eight days after her murder. 

The day was as miserable as her friends, drizzling uncharacteristic summer rain on the mourners and threatening a more violent downpour later on. 

Tears spilt unashamedly down Rachel's face throughout the service, but Jack remained stone-faced next her. The rest of Alex's friends in the water police and undercover squad lined the church's pews; all looking stunned that such a vibrant young life had ended so suddenly. 

**_Tell me it was just a dream,_**   
**_August seven, [ten] fifteen_**   
**_God closed his eyes and the world got mean_**   
**_August seven, [ten] fifteen_**

The minister droned on about life, death, and God's will. Rachel didn't believe a word. How could it be the will of any God, either Jewish or Christian, for Alex to lay cold beneath the earth whilst her killer walked free? 

**_Now the people from the papers and the local TV news_**   
**_Tried to find the reason, cop dogs sniffed around for clues_**   
**_Someone shouted "Hit and run," the coroner cried "Foul!"_**   
**_Her blue dress was what she wore the day they laid her body down._**

Although she had been raised to believe in a kind and benevolent (if sometimes strict) God, Rachel often doubted. If there was a God, she thought, he'd better make sure whoever was responsible for this got what was coming to him. Or her. Alex deserved nothing less. 

**_I know tonight that there's an angel up on Heaven's highest hill_**   
**_And no one there can hurt you, baby, no one ever will_**   
**_Somewhere someone's conscience is like a burning bed_**   
**_If the flames are all around you how're you gonna sleep again?_**

Finally the speeches were concluded, and the party slowly departed. Jack seemed reluctant to follow, so Rachel squeezed his arm. "I'll wait by the car," she whispered, and left him to say his last goodbye alone. 

**_I'm alone, always alone_**   
**_Though I am far away, I am always_**   
**_With you_**   
~~ * ~~ 

"Rach, do you need a lift?" Helen asked, seeing her waiting alone. 

Rachel shook her head, "Thanks Helen, but I reckon Jack might need a friend." 

Both women turned their eyes to the lone, tragic figure of Jack Christey. It was too far away to tell really, but Rachel was sure she could see his shoulders shake with sobs. It made the lump rise in her throat again. 

"Hey," Helen said softly. Rachel turned back to her friend, smiling sadly, and the two women embraced. 

"I'll come visit you tomorrow afternoon," Helen promised. 

"Thanks, Helen," Rachel smiled. 

Helen left her friend alone in the cemetery car park, as it started to rain again. Rachel climbed into the passenger seat of Jack's car to wait for him. Her patience was rewarded about seven minutes later, when he returned, more than a little wet. 

"You didn't have to wait for me," he said softly. 

"I was hoping for a coffee and a chat," she admitted. "But only if you want to," she added quickly. 

He looked at her without expression, and nodded. "Your place or mine?" he asked, without humour. 

"Mine, if you don't mind," Rachel answered. "Dad's looking after Ali, but I don't want to leave her for too long." 

They drove the rest of the way in companionable silence.   
~~ * ~~ 

When they arrived at Rachel's house, Felix told them Ali was fast asleep upstairs, and then left them to their privacy. 

"One sugar?" Rachel asked, breaking the silence. 

Jack nodded. They sat opposite each other in the living room, sipping their coffees, not speaking. 

**_Together alone, above and beneath_**   
**_We were as close as anyone can be_**   
**_Now you are gone far away from me_**   
**_As is once will always be_**   
**_Together alone_**

"Heard from Frank lately?" Jack asked, avoiding the subject of Alex for the time being. 

"Actually, no," she answered, frowning. "The last postcard was from Raratonga, about a month ago. I haven't heard anything since." 

"He's probably just out in the middle of nowhere, knowing him. He'll write as soon as he gets near a post office." 

Rachel sighed. "It's as if he's drifting further and further away from me," she complained, then she smiled, realising the irony, "Well, not   
just literally, you know what I mean?" 

Jack nodded. 

"There are so many things happening here, and I can't tell him about any of it. It's very frustrating. He writes me letters, and to him it's as if everything here is the same as how he left it. Only, I can't think of it like that anymore." She shook her head in frustration, "I don't know, maybe it's me that's drifting away from him? I feel a bit like that sometimes, but then another letter arrives, and I'm back where I was. I still feel the same, it's just... I feel like I'm a different person who feels the same way. I don't know if he'll still be interested in this 'new me' when he gets back." 

Jack nodded, understanding. "There's not much use worrying about it, though--if there's nothing you can do about it." 

"Yeah, I know," Rachel admitted. "I wonder sometimes if I'm setting myself up for the biggest fall of my life. And now it's not just me to worry about. What'll I tell Ali in ten years if her father decides he wants nothing to do with me?" she worried. 

**_Too late to save myself from falling_**   
**_I took a chance and changed your way of life_**

"He's hardly going to do that, Rach," Jack reassured her. "And you know we'll all be here for you no matter what. You've got nothing to worry about." 

"Thanks," she told him, sipping her coffee. 

**_Together alone, shallow and deep_**   
**_Holding our breath, paying death no heed_**   
**_I'm still you're friend, when you are in need_**   
**_As is once will always be, earth and sky, moon and sea_**

Jack said nothing, staring off into space. 

"You know it wasn't your fault, don't you, Jack?" Rachel asked. 

He looked at her disbelievingly. "There were so many things I could have done differently," he argued. "I should have waited for the back up. I should have made her go down the steps in front of me. I should never have let her out of my sight." His eyes were haunted by regrets. 

Rachel shook her head, "Don't go down that road, Jack. It'll haunt you for the rest of your life if you do. If anyone's at fault, it's the person who killed her, not you." 

"I still can't help trying to figure out in my mind where I went wrong, y'know? What I did to deserve this." 

"You didn't do anything," Rachel whispered. "You made her happy, Jack. You shouldn't regret that." 

"If that's true, then what was it she wanted to talk to me about? She didn't seem happy to me." 

"Jack... I don't think you want to know." 

"She talked to you? It's true, isn't it?" he asked quietly. "She was going to leave me?" 

Rachel shook her head. "No. Please believe me, Jack, she loved you." 

"Then what?" he asked. 

Rachel bit her lip, not saying anything. 

"Rach, tell me." 

It was the look on his face that finally made up her mind. This was going to hurt him, but it had to be better than what he believed already. 

It had to be better than not knowing. 

"Alex came to see me," she began, "About a week ago. She wasn't sure how you'd react..." 

"React to what?" 

Rachel still couldn't bring herself to tell him, but somehow he guessed for himself. 

"She was...?" he asked, hoping he was wrong. 

"Yeah," Rachel answered, her voice cracking. 

All life seemed to drain out of him. Rachel pulled him into her arms, and she felt his head drop to her shoulder as he began sobbing pathetically. "I'm sorry, Jack," she whispered, tears dripping from her eyes. "I'm so sorry." 

"She was pregnant! She knew it. God, Rach, why didn't she tell me? She wouldn't have even been out there! We should have been happy. We should have gotten married, had our children and grown old together." He was almost wailing, and the pathetic sound made her start sobbing too. 

"Never say it can't get worse, Rach. It always can."   
~~ * ~~ 

[Chapter 10 already?][1]

sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer); sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName;sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth; function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);} qs="url += 'id=344367doit('[][2]') [][3]

   [1]: journeyc10.htm
   [2]: '+url+'
   [3]: http://counter31.bravenet.com/index.php?id=344367&usernum=2651781398&cpv=1



	10. Chapter Ten

New Page 1 SONG LYRIC CREDITS 10: Where Are You Now (Roxus), Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me (Elton John), Smoke (Natalie Imbruglia).

Chapter 10

Rachel had been undecided as to whether to have a naming ceremony for the baby, but she figured it might cheer Jack up, as well as her other friends who were still stunned by Alex's death. The identification of the murderer had been a cold comfort, and it seemed the only time Jack was more than a shadow of his former self was in the presence of his lover's namesake.

In order to satisfy her father, who had been subtly hinting at it for a while now, Rachel decided on a mostly Jewish ceremony, but at home, and with Jack and Helen as godfather and godmother, or *fairy* godmother, as Helen had joked.

The rabbi welcomed everyone, and recited the ritual prayers both in Hebrew and English, for the benefit of the non-Jewish guests. Then Felix made a small speech, before the washing of the baby's feet, as Rachel recited another ritual prayer.

"We declare that her name shall be Aliza Rebecca bat Rachel v' Francis. And we shall call her Alex Rebecca Frances," Rabbi Cohen intoned.

Rachel then stepped forward again. She had spent hours perfecting this speech, and she hoped it went down well.

"Alex Rebecca Frances has been named after three very special people. Firstly, she is named for Alex St Clare, who was a great friend of mine. We first met when we served together at Rose Bay Police Station. She was a promising recruit who became a very dedicated officer. The streets and waters of Sydney are a lot safer because of her contribution."

A few people wiped their eyes; wounds were still raw. Jack remained expressionless.

"Alex is also named for my mother, Rebecca Friedman," Rachel continued. "She saw her whole family die during the holocaust when she was just five years old, but she survived the concentration camp at Buchenwald and was rescued by an Australian soldier. She was brought to Australia and adopted, where she eventually met my father."

"Finally, Alex is named for her father, Francis James Holloway, who I am sure would be here with us if he could be, except he is busy circumnavigating the world, having absolutely no idea how much I miss him," Rachel finished with a wry grin. A chuckle emanated from the group. Even Jack smiled, just a little.

The ceremony was concluded with speeches from both the godparents, and a prayer from Rabbi Cohen.

Little Ali, who had remained uncharacteristically silent throughout the ritual, began to bawl.

"She's Frank's, isn't she?" Helen remarked wryly.

~~ * ~~

Not being allowed to drive gave Rachel a first hand experience of Sydney's public transport system.

It wasn't great. Especially with a newborn.

She wasn't quite sure if pushing a shopping trolley came under the list of things she wasn't supposed to do yet, but she certainly wasn't having her father or Helen doing her shopping for her.

Rachel wheeled slowly up and down the aisles of the supermarket. Ali gurgled happily in her carry seat, while nappies, baby clothes, and all the other "baby necessities", as well as TV dinners, coffee and other basic food items filled the basket.

As she was about finished traversing the last aisle, Rachel spotted a rather cheerfully decorated photo album, all in pastel pinks and blues. She wasn't particularly attracted to the colour scheme, but the idea was not a bad one--she needed a photo album. She picked up another album, this one featuring a cartoon sun with the caption "Some people stay in our hearts forever."

Cute, she thought wryly.

More importantly, it seemed cost effective. She turned back to make sure there wasn't a better priced one she had missed.

On the second top shelf, she saw another album, this one entitled simply, "Baby Book". She seemed to remember having one of those for David, so she picked it up and flicked through it. There was space for every milestone you could think of: birth weight, first word, first steps. It was one of those things that was always good to pull out and reminisce over. And it was something for Frank.

She paid for her purchases and lugged them and the baby back to the bus stop, seriously considering buying one of those grocery carriages old ladies always seemed to have.

~~ * ~~

Rachel fought her way off the hot, smelly, crowded bus at the stop closest to her house, which still entailed a ten-minute walk to her front door. Or rather, a two minute walk that took ten minutes while carrying three bags of shopping and pushing a pram.

By the time she got home, Rachel was seriously convinced her doctor was loopy. Three weeks until she could drive again.

Ali had fallen asleep in the pram, so Rachel manoeuvred the pram upstairs with her in it. The bumpy ride up the stairs didn't wake her, but as luck would have it, as soon as her mother left the room, Ali woke up and began bawling.

"Shh, darling, shh," Rachel soothed, and she quietened a bit, but she still whimpered miserably. Her nappy didn't need changing, and she wasn't due for a feed. She was just lonely, wanting attention.

So am I, thought Rachel.

During the day, she had the baby to occupy her, but Ali wasn't exactly a great conversationalist. Her friends were wonderful, and they visited her often, but there was still many a lonely gap in her day. Now she remembered why she'd gone back to work so soon after David; Jonathon had been engrossed in his secretary by then, and the boredom had nearly killed her.

The baby fell asleep as suddenly as she'd woken. Rachel carefully put her back in her cot and tiptoed out of the room.

She really wished she could go to the pub. The nights were the worst, when there was nothing but the television to keep her occupied. She longed for intelligent conversation.

**_Without you here, the nights are never ending_**   
**_I still see your face wherever I go_**   
**_I close my eyes across a million miles of broken dreams_**   
**_And pray your restless soul will bring you back again to me_**

Instead, she put away the shopping.

She pulled the baby book out of the shopping bag, picked up a pen and sat down on the couch.

The first space to fill in was the baby's name. Rachel wrote "Alex Rebecca Frances", then chewed the end of her pen.

Finally, she added "Holloway".

~~ * ~~

An infant wail drove its way through Rachel's dreamless sleep. Midnight feeding time. She dragged herself out of bed, wondering if she'd had a full nights sleep in the last two months.

She thought daggers at Frank. Jonathon had refused to get up for midnight feedings, but at least he'd been *there*. Physically, at least.

**_Where are you now, are you missing me tonight?_**   
**_Or does someone else hold you tight?_**   
**_Take a look around, are you just too blind to see_**   
**_No one could love you more than me_**

She still hadn't had a letter or postcard. Three months was an awfully long time to forget to write. She worried he'd met some bad weather and gotten shipwrecked or something. Then again, perhaps he'd found himself a Miss World and shacked up with her.

What frustrated her most was the lack of closure. If she could believe he was coming back for sure, she'd be fine. Even if she knew he wasn't, she could come to terms with that too, and get on with her life.

**_I can't light no more of your darkness_**   
**_All my pictures seem to fade to black and white_**   
**_I'm growing tired and time stands still before me_**   
**_Frozen here on the ladder of my life_**

It was the waiting that was unbearable.

And then, the next afternoon, as if by magic, a letter arrived.

**_Dear Rachel,_****__**

**_How are you? I'm sorry it's been this long, but I've just been across a rather large stretch of water with no stops. I was so bored some days I nearly jumped overboard! I'd actually intended to sail straight through the Panama Canal to Venezuela, but I ran short of a few supplies, and here I am in Piura, Peru._****__**

**_Oh well, at least it gave me a chance to write to you earlier than I would have otherwise. Rach, you can't imagine how much I miss you._**

"I beg to differ," Rachel muttered.

**_I've been keeping myself going by imagining what it's going to be like when I come home. I'll transfer to some other station, that way Jeff can't get all funny about us being together. And I'm not going to let you push me away anymore, either. That's a promise! It's a pity we won't be partners anymore, but whoever you're working with, I'm sure you're used to them by now. I'll have to get used to a new partner too. Maybe I'll even get to drive once in a while!_**

"Maybe once!"

**_Oh, well, listen to me, making all these plans, when you've probably forgotten all about me by now. I'm running out of room, anyway. See ya._****__**

**_Francis James Holloway_**

Rachel carefully folded the letter up and put it back in its envelope. She began to cry, tears dropping off of her face like raindrops. She couldn't even tell whether she was happy to have finally heard from him, or disturbed by his lack of faith in her.

The baby, who had been in her arms happily consuming her evening meal stopped sucking and looked up at her mother confusedly. Mothers weren't supposed to cry! Were they?

**_Where are you Dad?_**   
**_Mum's looking sad._**   
**_What's up with that?_**   
**_It's dark in here._**

Rachel almost laughed at the look on her daughter's face. "It's okay, darling," she said softly. "Daddy's okay."

~~ * ~~   


sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer);  sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName; sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth;  function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);} qs=" url='http://counter31.bravenet.com/index.php?'; url += 'id=344369 curl='http://counter31.bravenet.com/counter.php?id=344369 doit('[][1]')  [][2]

   [1]: '+url+'
   [2]: http://counter31.bravenet.com/index.php?id=344369&usernum=2651781398&cpv=1



	11. Chapter Eleven

SONG LYRIC CREDITS SONG LYRIC CREDITS 11: Angel (Aerosmith).

Chapter 11

Months passed, and the baby book was gradually filled in. Every milestone was both a joy and a sorrow to Rachel, who couldn't help but regret that Frank wasn't there to share it with her. Her only consolation was that Ali was too young to notice his absence. Perhaps she wasn't really missing out on so much after all.

Letters came less and less often; he was still sailing around, sweetly oblivious to everything that was now so much a part of Rachel's life. He'd finally made it to Venezuela, but he hadn't stayed long. He'd decided to, as he put it, "Keep sailing forward until I run into you again". However, each letter was more depressing than the last. He still said he missed her, and she knew it was true, but he was starting to convince himself she wouldn't wait for him. As she had no way to reassure him, she hoped he wouldn't lose faith.

He had to come back.

~~ * ~~

Eventually, the time came for Rachel to return to work. She was in two minds about it, herself. She missed the day to day company dreadfully, but she couldn't help but feel she was abandoning her daughter. It was the finance situation, however, that finally decided her on the matter. Her paid leave was about to run out, and a single parent payment didn't look particularly appealing.

Surprisingly enough, it was David who convinced her it was the right thing to do. "You went back to work after I was born, didn't you Mum?" he reminded her. "I managed okay."

Rachel ruffled his hair affectionately, "Yeah, you did."

~~ * ~~

Surprised to find her old suits fit her again, Rachel dressed for work, whilst seven-month-old Ali lay on her stomach on the bed, supervising.

"What do you think, kiddo?" Rachel asked, doing a little twirl.

"Bah," the infant replied.

Her mother grinned. "Come on, munchkin, let's get you dressed."

Twenty minutes later, Rachel pulled up in front of the day-care centre recommended by Jeff Hawker. Inviting as it looked, and despite the high praise Jeff had given it, it was still a wrench leaving Ali there. There were more than a few tears in Rachel's eyes that morning.

When she arrived at the station, she found the whole crew of senior officers waiting to welcome her back. Jeff even stood on the stairs and made a speech, before brusquely shooing everybody off to their respective posts to get back to work.

Upstairs, her desk was cleaned out, waiting for her to move back into it. She'd met the detective who'd replaced her after Alex; he wasn't a bad bloke, if a little dim. He'd let Jack get away with too much, she was sure.

Helen made her customary early morning appearance, waving a police report printout. Rachel grabbed the car keys, and she and Jack set off to investigate a boat break-in.

~~ * ~~

The day dribbled along, there were a few simple cases, but nothing major. At the end of the day, instead of heading off to the pub, Rachel invited her fellow detectives to her place.

"Sorry, Rachel, you'll have to count me out," Mick apologised. "I got a date."

"Oh, yeah, who is she?" Rachel asked, sensing an opportunity to stir.

"No one you know," he told her firmly.

Rachel pouted. "You'll come, though, won't you Jack?" she asked.

"Yeah, I got nothing better to do."

"Thanks a lot!"

Jack smiled, "You know I'm only kidding, Rach."

~~ * ~~

Ali had enjoyed her day, although she was very happy to see her mother arrive to pick her up. She fell asleep in the baby seat in the car, and only woke for a few minutes when she was carried inside the house.

She was well and truly asleep by the time Jack showed up sporting a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc.

"You didn't have to bring your own, Jack," Rachel admonished. "I've got a six-pack in the fridge."

He shrugged, "Oh well, I figured it'd be nice, you know, to celebrate your first day back at work."

Rachel smiled, giving in. "Thanks, Jack," she told him, stepping aside to let him in. "I suppose I'm gonna have to get some glasses out, then," she grumbled.

Jack grinned. "We could always drink it out of the bottle if you want to save the washing up," he suggested.

Rachel shook her head, "I'm not that crass, Jack," she protested. She pulled two wine glasses out of her cupboard, and rinsed them under the tap. "They don't get used very much," she explained. Wiping them dry with a tea towel, she put them both on the counter for Jack to pour the wine, which he did.

The two of them sat opposite each other on Rachel's lounge chairs. Jack started off by relaying a few amusing stories of her predecessor's minor botch-ups of various cases. "I tell you, I can't figure out how that bloke made it to detective senior connie," he finished.

"Well, it's nice to hear my job was never in jeopardy, anyway," Rachel grinned.

"Oh, no way!" Jack assured her, "We couldn't wait! Fair dinkum, this guy made the boat crew look almost competent."

Rachel managed to put down her almost empty glass on the table before collapsing in a fit of giggles.

Jack frowned, "You right there, Rach? I didn't think it was *that* funny!"

Rachel shook her head, trying to get her breath back. "Sorry," she finally managed, "I think this wine went straight to my head. Bloody hell, you go dry for a year, and look what happens!" Then she began giggling again.

Jack shook his head disbelievingly and refilled his glass for the fourth time. He figured he'd leave hers as it was.

It was ten o'clock before Jack noticed the time. "Shit, is it that late? I'd better get going."

Rachel walked with him to the front door. "Thanks for coming, Jack," she told him. "I appreciated the company."

He smiled, "So did I."

They embraced, but both found themselves holding on for a second longer than was natural for a friendly hug. They drew apart, the spirit of camaraderie replaced by something a little more serious.

Neither could remember later who had initiated it, but all of a sudden they were kissing. It had been a long time for both of them, and both found themselves responding without thinking. It was comfortable and familiar, and it had been so long... Rachel found herself surrendering to it, needing a release.

Ali's cry brought both back to the present with a thud.

"I'm sorry," Jack apologised.

Rachel shook her head. "It was as much me as it was you."

"Well, I'd better go, I'll see you tomorrow," Jack said, and quickly left.

After her nappy had been changed, Ali went back to sleep easily. Rachel went to bed herself, but she was unable to sleep, thinking about what had happened between her and Jack. It had been a mistake, most definitely. Jack was still grieving for Alex, and she was waiting for Frank. Ali's interruption had been more than timely. Rachel cried herself to sleep that night for the first time in months.

**_I'm alone, yeah I don't know if I can face the night_**   
**_I'm in tears, and the crying that I do is for you_**   
~~ * ~~

The next morning at the office there was an inevitable coolness between Rachel and Jack. In Mick's presence, they spoke to one another only when it was necessary, and alone, they even avoided looking at each other.

Rachel had had enough of this by lunchtime, and when she saw Jack sitting by himself in the corner of the meal room, she saw her chance and took it.

Jack looked up, surprised, as Rachel sat opposite him. "Hi," he said softly.

Rachel sighed. "We're not going to let this drive a wedge between us, are we? I mean, there's no point both of us feeling sorry and uncomfortable all the time."

Jack shook his head, "I guess not."

"It's just something that happened, right? It won't happen again, we both agree on that, don't we?"

Jack took a second in answering. "Yeah, we agree," he answered.

Rachel took a gulp of coffee before venturing, "You know, in another lifetime we were probably a really hot couple," she smiled.

Jack couldn't help but smile back. "Yeah, probably," he agreed.

~~ * ~~

"Hey, Mum, quick!" David's call echoed through Rachel's small house.

Rachel left the spaghetti on the stove, and ran to see what was so urgent.

When she entered the living room, she saw David's face first. He was grinning ear to ear. "Look Mum, she can stand up by herself!"

Rachel looked at Ali, who was standing, if a little shakily, using the coffee table to balance. "Well, aren't you clever?" Rachel cooed to her daughter.

Ali stopped looking bewildered and smiled at the praise, as her mother knelt down and gave her a hug.

Rachel kissed her daughter, and turned to her son, "Dinner's going to boil over in a minute, you two stay out of trouble," she told him, ruffling his hair affectionately. David grinned. "Want me to get the camera?" he asked, hopefully.

"Oh, all right, go on," Rachel capitulated, "But be quick, unless you want to go hungry!"

David scampered out of the room and returned with Rachel's camera. "Can I take the picture, Mum?" he asked.

Rachel nodded, and David snapped the picture.

"Would you mind going and turning the stove off for me, David?"

"Okay, Mum," David grinned, and ran off again.

Rachel lifted Ali's t-shirt and blew a raspberry on her belly. Ali giggled hysterically; this was her favourite game. Scooping her daughter up into her arms, Rachel headed for the kitchen to dish up spaghetti for two and something-or-other-puree for one.

~~ * ~~   


[Next up: Chapter 12][1]

sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer);  sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName; sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth;  function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);} qs=" url='http://counter31.bravenet.com/index.php?'; url += 'id=344368 curl='http://counter31.bravenet.com/counter.php?id=344368 doit('[][2]')  [][3]

   [1]: journeyc12.html
   [2]: '+url+'
   [3]: http://counter31.bravenet.com/index.php?id=344368&usernum=2651781398&cpv=1



	12. Chapter Twelve

The Journey: Chapter Twleve Chapter 12 

A few days later, Rachel pulled into the water police car park, and noticed a girl in her late teens standing near Jack's car. She didn't exactly look like she was about to break into it, but Rachel's detective instincts kicked in all the same. She pulled up beside and leant out the window.

"Hello," she said.

The girl did look a little guilty when she answered, "Hey."

"Can I help you?" Rachel asked

"No, no, I'm fine, thanks." The girl smiled at her, and then turned to leave.

Rachel watched her go to make sure, and then put it in the back of her mind. If she had been up to no good, surely she would be scared out of it now. Besides, who would be stupid enough to break into a car in a cop car park?   
~~ * ~~ 

The topic came up again the next day, however, when Rachel walked into the meal room to discover the same girl sitting opposite Jack. Serious conversation from the look on his face, Rachel thought. Maybe she had tried to steal his car and he'd caught her at it?

Unable to squash her curiosity, Rachel sauntered over. "Hey, Jack, let me know when you've got a minute will you? I think we might've found our bag snatcher. Sykesy and Tavita caught him on the Manly ferry a few minutes ago." She turned to go, but he called her back

"Uh, Rach, this is Sophie Ferguson," he introduced her.

Rachel smiled politely, "I saw you in the car park yesterday."

Sophie smiled back, somewhat nervously.

"Sophie needs somewhere to stay for the next couple of days," Jack began, sounding more than a little uncertain of himself.

Rachel frowned; this was not like him at all. She didn't, however, expect the next question.

"Is it all right if she stays with you?"

She opened her mouth to refuse; to ask him what the hell was going on.

"You see, Sophie thinks I'm her father," Jack explained.

Rachel closed her mouth, and nodded. "Yeah, she can stay in David's room. He won't be needing it again for a couple of weeks. It'll be nice to have someone to talk to after I put the baby to bed." She tried to smile reassuringly at Sophie, who thanked her.   
~~ * ~~ 

"So are you guys on together?"

"Huh?" Rachel frowned, handing Sophie a plate of macaroni cheese.

"You and Jack."

"Oh! No, we're not."

"Have you ever done it with him?"

Rachel's eyebrow rose. She refused to volunteer an answer to that question.

Sophie seemed to realise she'd gone too far. "I'm just trying to figure out if he's the type to screw around."

"Not since I've known him," Rachel finally answered.

"Well, I mean there he is on my birth certificate, but he says he's never heard of my mother. What does that tell you?"

Rachel shrugged. "It *was* a long time ago."

"So howcome you live on your own, anyway?"

"Do you ever stop asking questions?"

"Nope. Does he have a girlfriend?"

Rachel shook her head, "I think you'd better ask *him* questions like that."

"You see, him being so old, I don't know if he's attractive. Would you bonk him?"

Rachel sighed. She could see this girl had inherited her father's tenacity.   
~~ * ~~ 

"Jack, would you mind getting Sophie *off* the wharf before Hawker blows a gasket?" Helen asked.

Jack sighed in annoyance.

Behind her desk, Rachel chuckled. "Welcome to parenthood."

Jack shot her a dirty look and headed downstairs.

He was back a few minutes later, looking a little relieved, but mostly frazzled.

"Look, Jack," Rachel began, "We don't have much going on at the moment, why don't you go and sort all this stuff out?"

Jack looked for a minute as if he was about to argue the point, but instead he conceded it. "Yeah, I guess. Call my mobile if you need me for anything, then."

"Yep."   
~~ * ~~ 

Rachel had just gotten the baby to sleep when her doorbell rang. Jack stood on the doorstep, looking uncertain. "Is Sophie here?" he asked.

"Yeah, of course she is, she's in the shower," Rachel answered. "Are you okay?"

"It's true," he told her, "She's my daughter."

"Well, that's great," Rachel smiled.

"I just talked to her mother," Jack continued, not hearing. "Rach, she doesn't want anything to do with her. How do I tell her that?"

Rachel shrugged. "There's no easy way around these things. She'll understand there's nothing you can do about it."

Jack sighed. "Will she?"

Rachel squeezed Jack's arm as Sophie appeared in a dressing gown "Hey, Jack," she smiled. Then she saw the look on his face. "What's the matter?"

"It's true," he told her. "I'm your father."

Even though she'd never doubted it, Sophie looked like she didn't quite know how to take the confirmation.

Rachel broke the silence. "Jack's gonna stay for dinner."

The pair walked to the dinner table looking anywhere but at each other.

After dinner, Rachel went upstairs to check on the baby, hoping Jack and Sophie would take the opportunity to communicate with each other. Unfortunately, her hopes weren't high. When she came back down fifteen minutes later, Jack stood up almost immediately and made his excuses. Rachel saw him out with the admonition he'd better fess up soon or live to regret it.

She feared the latter would happen first.   
~~ * ~~ 

Unfortunately, Rachel was proved correct the next day, shortly after lunch.

"Jack, Sophie's downstairs, she wants to see you," Tayler announced, poking her head around the door.

"Oh, shit!"

"What?" Rachel asked, frowning.

"I was supposed to meet her for lunch, but I forgot. Damn!" He ran downstairs, leaving Rachel shaking her head.   
~~ * ~~ 

Jack returned a few minutes later, looking more than a little down in the dumps. Rachel followed him onto the roof and sat down beside him. "Didn't go too well, huh?" she asked.

Jack shook his head. "I told her what Gabrielle said, but she didn't understand. She thinks I don't want to know her."

"Did you tell her she was wrong?"

"Yeah, I did, but she doesn't believe me. She says she's going home tomorrow." Jack sighed. "I just need some time to get used to the idea. I mean it's a pretty big thing to suddenly find out you've got a daughter you never knew about."

"Yeah, I guess it is," Rachel replied, staring into the distance.

Jack realised what he'd said. "This is a totally different situation, though," he added quickly.

Rachel smiled, and turned to him. "Not that much," she corrected him. "Frank is going to be just as angry and hurt as you are."

"Rach," Jack admonished. "I'm not..." he began, then sighed. "I guess I am a bit pissed off Gabrielle didn't tell me about it, but that doesn't stop me wanting to know Sophie. It wouldn't stop me wanting to be with Gab, either, if there wasn't too much water under the bridge."

"But there is," Rachel reminded him.

"Yeah, eighteen years worth. And she's married. And we broke up, you know? There were no promises, just bang, that's it, finished. Totally different scenario. Frank's gonna have to adjust to a few things when he gets back, but he will."

Rachel smiled. "Thanks, Jack. And you know Sophie will come around, too."

"Yeah, I hope so," he sighed, then suddenly, he frowned. "I just thought of something," he told Rachel.

"What?"

"Can you cover for me for half an hour? I gotta go home and find something."

"Yeah, sure," Rachel assured him, confusedly. He didn't seem inclined to explain any more, however, and she didn't ask. "I'd better get inside and at least pretend to be working, anyway," she laughed.   
~~ * ~~ 

When Jack returned to the office, he said nothing to Rachel about where he'd been. The rest of the afternoon was spent on an enquiry into a boat break-in. Rachel, as usual, finished her report first, and picked up her jacket, ready to knock off.

"See you, guys," she called to Jack and Mick, who were still working on theirs.

Jack looked up. "You mind if I drop in, later on?" he asked. "You know, to see Sophie."

"Of course, Jack. You know you can come over anytime. Well, except in the wee hours of morning, of course."

Jack grinned cheekily, "You didn't used to mind."

"Well, we're all allowed to make one mistake in our lives, you know," Rachel quipped back, smiling.

Mick snorted.

"Keep laughing, spunk rat," Jack answered back sarcastically, "I don't see the women beating down your door."

Rachel took her cue and quietly left.

"Hey! What about Woodsie?" she heard as she walked down the stairs.

"She dumped you like a hot potato!" Jack retorted.

Rachel shook her head and kept walking.   
~~ * ~~ 

"Hey Rach." Sophie appeared as Rachel came in.

Ali twisted in her mother's arms, and held her hands out to Sophie, who grinned. "Hey, Munchkin," she smiled, as Rachel passed the baby over.

"She's going to miss you, you know," Rachel observed.

"Jack told you I'm leaving."

"Yeah. You don't have to," Rachel offered.

Sophie sighed. "Yeah, I do. Jack doesn't really want me around, disrupting his life. I guess it's just too late." She handed Ali back. "I'd better go and pack my stuff."

"He does want to know you, Sophie," Rachel called after her.

Sophie turned, halfway up the stairs. "He has a strange way of showing it."   
~~ * ~~ 

Rachel was feeding the baby when the phone rang, about fifteen minutes later. It was Jack.

"Did you tell Soph I was coming over?" he asked immediately.

"No," Rachel told him. "Aren't you?"

"I had an idea," he told her. "I want to talk to Gabrielle again before I talk to Soph, so I won't be coming over tonight."

"She's very hurt, Jack," Rachel warned. "You should come and talk to her."

"She doesn't want to know me unless I tell her who her mother is, does she? I might be able to do that tomorrow, but I can't, not yet."

"All right, Jack. See you tomorrow." Rachel hung up the phone thoughtfully. She finished feeding baby Alex, and dealt with the inevitable clean up of the surrounding area before changing her and putting her bed.

Passing David's door on her way back downstairs, Rachel knocked. There was no answer. She knocked again before quietly opening the door and peering inside.

Sophie lay on her back on the bed, eyes closed, wearing her walkman. Her face was red, and it was obvious she'd been crying.

Rachel couldn't tell whether she was asleep or just thinking, so she decided to leave her be. She went downstairs and put on a load of washing before flopping down on the couch to watch a bit of television.   
~~ * ~~ 

[Read on, MacDuff! Chapter 13.][1]

sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer); sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName;sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth; function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);}qs="url += 'id=344247doit('[][2]') [][3]   


   [1]: journeyc13.html
   [2]: '+url+'
   [3]: http://counter29.bravenet.com/index.php?id=344247&usernum=2428620326&cpv=1



	13. Chapter Thirteen

The Journey: Chapter Thirteen SONG LYRIC CREDITS 13: Let It Rain (Amanda Marshall)

Chapter 13

"Hungry?" Rachel asked, as Sophie appeared from the bathroom.

"Starving," Sophie admitted, grinning.

"Indian Butter Chicken," Rachel announced as she spooned a generous amount onto Sophie's plate.

"Sounds yum," Sophie remarked, digging in.

"Oh, well, it's just a packet job," Rachel laughed, "But it's not bad."

They ate in silence for a few minutes before Sophie spoke.

"I did well, didn't I? When it comes to parents, I mean."

"Soph," Rachel admonished. "Jack's just too good at hiding his feelings."

Sophie shrugged. "Maybe. But what about my mother? She doesn't even want to set eyes on me."

Rachel took a deep breath, knowing this needed to be handled carefully. "Maybe she has her reasons."

"Yeah, Jack says she has a family. Other children. She doesn't want me disrupting her life," Sophie said, bitterly.

"Maybe she feels guilty."

"Guilty? What for?"

"For giving you up. Maybe the only way she can deal with it is to shut it away. And maybe she's afraid her other children won't forgive her. Then she would have no one." Rachel sighed. Some of this was hitting a little too close to home.

"But why did she give me up in the first place? I mean she didn't even tell Jack about me at all."

Rachel shrugged. "You'd have to ask her that, but I imagine she felt there was no other choice. I think most mothers who give their babies up do it so the children will have better lives than they would otherwise. Maybe she couldn't afford to keep you, or maybe she wanted you to have two parents. You can't know unless you ask her. Things aren't always black and white."

Sophie was silent for a minute, thinking. "You're a single mother, Rachel," she said finally. "Did you ever think about giving up your baby?"

Rachel shook her head. "But I'm not your mother. I'm a lot older, and I already have a son. I knew what was involved, and I had a lot of things your mother probably didn't."

Sophie shovelled several more forkfuls of rice into her mouth before she worked up the courage to ask the next question.

"So did you choose to do it on your own?"

Rachel considered backing away from the issue, but she decided it didn't really matter. The whole station knew about her own personal drama, and Sophie would probably hear about it eventually anyway.

**_It isn't easy to be kind_**   
**_With all these demons in my mind_**   
**_I only hope one day_**   
**_I'll be free_**

"No, I didn't," she admitted.

"So he... Ali's father... didn't want to know?"

Rachel shook her head. "He doesn't know. Frank was my partner before Jack, and he took his long service leave almost two years ago. I didn't find out until after he'd gone."

Sophie's eyes widened. "Is he coming back?" she asked.

Rachel nodded. "He sends me the odd postcard, but most of the time he's out on the open sea."

**_I do my best not to complain_**   
**_My face is dirty from the strain_**   
**_I only hope one day_**   
**_I'll come clean_**

"So, I guess Ali and I have something in common, then," Sophie commented.

Rachel shrugged. "I hope Frank takes it as well as Jack did."

A thousand more questions crowded into Sophie's mind, but she decided it would be impolite to ask them. It had given her something to think about, if nothing else.

~~ * ~~

The next day, Jack took the morning off. He finally showed up to work at about half past eleven, seeming like he was back to his usual self.

"Sorted it out?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah," Jack smiled. "Gabrielle finally decided to meet with Sophie."

"That's great! How did it go?"

"Well, I stayed in the car, but I think they made a good start. Sophie's back at your place, packing her stuff up."

"When's she going then?"

"As soon as her dad comes to pick her up."

"You will keep in touch, though, won't you?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, I hope so." Jack smiled.

Rachel put her arm around his shoulders and squeezed. "Wanna go and have a beer later? I can get Dad to look after the baby."

"Yeah, why not?"

~~ * ~~

"Thanks so much for letting me stay with you, Rachel."

"Come back anytime you want, ok?" Rachel ordered, giving Sophie a hug.

Sophie nodded, smiling. "Give Ali a kiss for me? Jack," she said, turning to him. "You will come and visit me in Coffs Harbour, won't you?"

Jack grinned. "Try and stop me."

Sophie and Jack embraced, and then Sophie picked up her bag.

"You ready?" her dad asked, and she nodded.

Rachel and Jack waved as the car drove away.

"Well, *Dad*, how 'bout a beer?" Rachel asked, grinning.

~~ * ~~

"So, how does it feel?"

"What, having a kid? I thought you'd know that by now."

Rachel laughed. "Well, having a baby and watching her grow up is a bit different to suddenly having a grown up daughter, don't you think?"

"I guess."

"Well there you go."

A few mouthfuls later, Jack said, "It's weird. She's really fascinating in a way. She looks a bit like Gab, and I s'pose she must look a bit like me too. But she's a totally different person. She's so..."

"Independent?" Rachel offered.

"Yeah."

"You'll get used to it, Jack."

"I doubt it," Jack answered wryly.

Rachel laughed.

~~ * ~~ 

[Chapter Fourteen, por favore][1]

sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer); sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName;sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth; function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);}qs="url += 'id=342939doit('[][2]') [][3]   


   [1]: journeyc14.html
   [2]: '+url+'
   [3]: http://counter37.bravenet.com/index.php?id=342939&usernum=3134161169&cpv=1



	14. Chapter Fourteen

The Journey: Chapter Fourteen SONG LYRIC CREDITS 14: Let It Rain (Amanda Marshall)

Chapter 14

Rachel's eyes fluttered open.

It was almost pitch black. Rolling over to check her alarm clock, Rachel saw that it was half past midnight.

She wondered what had woken her. Suddenly worried, she got up out of bed and went to check on Ali.

The baby was fine and sleeping soundly. Rachel quietly closed the door, wondering again what had woken her.

She'd just settled back into bed when her mobile rang. Rachel growled under her breath. They knew not to bother her so late unless it was an emergency. Babysitting was pretty scarce after midnight--especially at short notice.

"Goldstein," she answered worriedly.

"Rachel."

Her heart stopped.

"Frank?"

He made a barely audible noise; something like a sigh. "Yeah, it's me."

Despite all the time she had had to plan this conversation, Rachel was lost for words.

"Rach?"

"Sorry, Frank... it's kind of late, I was in bed."

"In bed? At eleven thirty?"

"Frank, it's twenty to one. And some of us gotta *work* in the morning."

"Oh, right. Yeah, I forgot. They don't have daylight saving over here."

"Where are you?" Rachel finally managed.

"Perth," he answered. "I'm on my way home."

Rachel still couldn't think of anything to say. The silence stretched longer until--

"Rach? You still there?"

"Yeah," she choked out, finally.

"Did you miss me?" he asked, impishly.

Rachel laughed. "Don't ask stupid questions, Frank."

"I was just checking. How have you been?" he asked. An innocent enough question, but he had no idea of the panicked thoughts it inspired.

Rachel's mind spun at a hundred miles an hour. Now was her chance, but she couldn't seem to find the words. "Um... fine."

"Rach? Are you okay?" Frank thought he heard a quiet sob before Rachel finally found her voice again.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I didn't expect to hear from you, y'know? It's been so long."

"Yeah, it has," he agreed.

"Frank, I--" Rachel began

"Did you--" Frank said simultaneously. They both laughed, nervously. "You first," Frank offered.

"I forgot what I was going to say," Rachel said quickly, losing her nerve.

Frank frowned, confused. "Did you get my letters?" he asked.

"Yeah, I did," Rachel answered. "I wanted to write back, but..."

"I didn't stay in the one place for long enough." Frank finished for her.

Rachel bit her lip. Why was this so hard?? "When will you be back?" she asked.

"Three weeks," he told her. "I'm staying with an old mate of mine for a couple of days, then I'll sail across the Bight and back up the east coast."

"Sounds like fun," Rachel said, knowing she sounded trite.

"I could do without it," he admitted. "I wish I was there now."

"Me too," answered Rachel, taking a deep breath. "Frank, I have to tell you..." she began, and then trailed off.

"What?" he encouraged.

Rachel froze again.

"Rach?"

"I--" she swallowed. "I love you." Well, at least it was progress.

This time it was Frank's turn to be silent.

"Say something."

"I never thought I'd hear you say that," he admitted.

"I never thought I'd say it."

"Can't take it back now."

Rachel laughed. "No, I won't take it back."

Frank still got the feeling something else was bothering her, but he decided not to pressure her any more. He couldn't stay too long on the phone, anyway.

"Rach, I gotta go in a minute."

"Oh, okay," she answered lamely.

"Oh, and Rach?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you too. I'll see you the weekend after next, okay?"

"Yep, okay."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Rachel hung up the phone and flopped back onto the bed, thoughts in turmoil. In her mind Frank's long-awaited return had always been a problem that could be dealt with later, but not anymore. Later was now. Or, more specifically, in about three weeks. How on earth was she going to sort this mess out?

**_I have given, I have given and got none_**   
**_Still I'm driven by something I can't explain_**   
**_It's not a cross it is a choice, I cannot help but hear his voice_**   
**_I only wish that I could listen without shame_**   
~~ * ~~

"Rachel. Just the person I wanted to see," Helen announced, handing her a piece of paper.

"Barbecue on the beach to farewell Detective Senior Constable Tommy Tavita," Rachel read aloud. "He got the promotion? Great."

"Saturday week," Helen informed her, "Clear your diary."

"Ooh... Is it okay if I bring the kids? Dad's off to Melbourne next week, and I've got David, too."

"We'd love to have them," Helen assured her.

"Ta, Helen. Jack and Mick upstairs?"

"Jack is, Mick's got an RDO today."

"Oh, yeah, of course. I always forget that. Every second Monday," Rachel reminded herself, heading up the stairs.   
~~ * ~~

"Morning," Jack smiled at her as she walked in to the office.

Rachel dropped on to her chair, and turned to her partner. "Frank's coming back."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Did you talk to him?"

Rachel dropped her head into her hands. "He phoned me last night, from Perth."

"Does he know?"

Rachel shook her head. "I tried to tell him, but I just couldn't find the words. I mean, how do you tell someone something like that? After this long?"

Jack shrugged. "Well, it's gotta be better than waiting nineteen years to do it," he joked.

Rachel couldn't help but smile. "I forgot about that." Then she smirked, "I hope you and he are going to bury the hatchet. You have so much in common."

"Too much, sometimes," Jack replied.

"I've just dug the hole deeper, haven't I?" Rachel sighed.

"Well, if it's any consolation, if you'd told him on the phone he might've hung up on you. Then you might never catch up to him again."

"Real encouraging, Jack"

"Sorry."

"He said he should be back the weekend after next," Rachel thought aloud. "Dad'll be back by then, I'll get him to take her. Then I'll have to try and get myself out of this mess. Somehow."

"No use worrying about it," Jack told her.

"No, I guess not. It'll happen the way it happens, I suppose," she sighed. "Are you going to Tommy's barbecue?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Yeah, why not? A few laughs, a couple of beers, what else could you want?"   
~~ * ~~[][1]

[Chapter Fifteen, perhaps?][1]

sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer); sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName;sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth; function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);}qs="url += 'id=342940doit('[][2]') [][3]   


   [1]: journeyc15.html
   [2]: '+url+'
   [3]: http://counter37.bravenet.com/index.php?id=342940&usernum=3134161169&cpv=1



	15. Chapter Fifteen

The Journey: Chapter Fifteen SONG LYRIC CREDITS 15: Beautiful Goodbye (Amanda Marshall), I Don't Wanna Lose You Now (Gloria Estefan), Let It Rain (Amanda Marshall), Learning How To Fall (Bon Jovi),That's What I Call Love (Crowded House), Nails In My Feet (Crowded House)   
Chapter 15

Frank walked down the steps to Shelly Beach, looking for a familiar face. He'd sailed in just over an hour ago, and caught a taxi straight to Rachel's place. She wasn't home. Then he'd headed off to the Water Police offices, only to be told most of the senior officers were having a barbecue on the beach. He'd embarked on the third leg of his journey seriously wondering whether he had enough cash on him to pay the taxi driver.

He spotted David first, building a sandcastle with the help of a toddler who looked all of one year old.

"Hey, David," he greeted, striding up to them. His bag was getting heavy, so he dropped it in the sand.

David looked up in surprise. "Frank! Mum said you weren't gonna be back until next week," David said, frowning.

"I overestimated the trip a bit," Frank admitted. "You ever heard of the roaring forties?"

"Yeah, we learnt about them at school. Gale-force winds that blow from the west at about 40 degrees of latitude," he recited. "Did you get to sail through them, Frank?"

"Yep. Took about a week off of my journey. It was a bit rough going, but here I am," Frank finished. "Who's your little friend?"

"That's Ali," David answered.

The little girl looked up, hearing her name. Cute kid, thought Frank.

"I go to high school now," David declared.

"Yeah? D'you like it?" Frank asked.

"It's okay. Hey, guess what?" David asked excitedly.

"What?" Frank asked.

"I'll be having my Bar Mitzvah soon! I've almost learnt all the ritual prayers."

"Already? I must have been gone longer than I thought. Hey," he began, leaning in and speaking more quietly, "Do you reckon your mum will be happy to see me?"

David put his head on one side and seemed to think very seriously about the question for a minute. "Yeah, I think she will."

Frank laughed, "You think she will?"

David stared solemnly back at him, not seeing the funny side. "She's over there," he offered, pointing past Frank.

Frank turned, and saw her. She was standing a few feet away from the rest of the group, watching him. He couldn't identify the emotion on her face.

"I'll catch you later, then Squirt," he told David, and headed for Rachel.

~~ * ~~

"Well, I don't know how far it's going to go, but it's a start, I suppose," Helen finished.

"So when do we get to meet her?" Rachel asked cheekily.

"How about never? She'll run a mile if she sees you lot!"

"Oh, thanks a lot!" Rachel replied, laughing, then she stopped. A figure approached them.

A rather familiar figure.

She watched as Frank knelt down to talk to David, heart in mouth. She saw Ali's eyes fix on her father with cursory interest before resuming shovelling sand into her little plastic bucket. She barely even felt Helen's hand on her shoulder before the older woman quietly left her alone.

Trouble was heading her way like a semi-trailer, and Rachel was the kangaroo stunned by its headlights.

A few seconds later, she saw David pointing her way, and Frank turned to her. His eyes met hers, and they were like floodlights; so bright she felt naked under their gaze.

He said something else to David before standing up and walking towards her.

Rachel tried to take deep breaths and calm herself down, but she felt her heart thudding like a jackhammer in her chest, and her hands wouldn't stop shaking. She put them in her pockets, afraid he'd notice.**__**

**_When I see you now I wonder how_**   
**_I could've watched you walk away_**

Rachel tore her eyes away from his and looked past him at her children. Her son saw her looking and gave her a thumbs up sign, smiling.

That kid was too cluey for his own good sometimes.

She managed a welcoming smile for Frank, and when he put his arms around her, she hugged him back eagerly.

Rachel took a step back and looked Frank in the eye. "Frank--"

Then she heard a familiar cry, and looked past Frank to see Ali toddling towards her, crying. David followed, looking guilty.

Trouble hit.

Rachel saw Frank's mouth drop open as she stooped to pick her daughter up. "What's the matter, darling?" she asked soothingly, looking at David. She avoided looking in Frank's direction, too afraid of what she would see.

"She was playing with a hermit crab," David told her, "And it pinched her finger. I'm sorry, Mum, I didn't see--"

"Show me, baby," she told her daughter, ignoring David for the moment. Ali held up her index finger, her face still screwed up with misery. Rachel gently kissed it, "All better!" Then she turned back to David. "Why weren't you watching her?" she asked, a little more harshly than she'd meant to.

David flashed a look at Frank, who was still shocked speechless. "Sorry, Mum," he mumbled.

"You okay now, darling?" Rachel asked. Ali nodded her head solemnly. "Go and play with your brother, then," she suggested, putting Ali back on the ground. David took her hand and they both headed back to their sandcastle.

Finally, Rachel turned back to Frank, who had been silently watching the whole exchange.

**_Sometimes it's hard to make things clear_**   
**_Or know when to face the truth_**   
**_And I know that the moment is here_**   
**_I'll open my heart and show you inside_**   
**_My love has no pride_**

Frank eventually found his voice, "She's yours, is she?" he asked.

"No, Frank, she just likes to call me Mummy. It's my nickname."

He looked at her, his face carefully schooled to blankness.

"Yeah, I'm sorry," she said, "It wasn't that funny." Touching his arm tentatively, she asked him, "Will you come for a walk with me?"

"Yeah, I reckon we need to catch up on a few things," he finally answered.

Rachel tried to stay calm, though her heart was thudding so loudly in her chest she was sure Frank could hear it. How on earth was she going to tell him? At least it couldn't possibly be any worse than the conclusions he'd probably already jumped to.   
**__**

**_I have been a witness to a perfect crime_**   
**_I wipe the grin off of my face to hide the blame_**   
**_It isn't worth the tears you'll cry to have a perfect alibi_**   
**_Now I'm beaten at the hands of my own game_**

She looked over Frank's shoulder to where Jack was standing. He'd been watching the whole insane situation from his spot by the barbecue. In fact, Rachel reflected, he'd been a spectator almost since it had started.

She caught his eye, silently asking him to watch the baby. 'Good luck,' he mouthed.

Reassured, she returned her attention to Frank, who was frowning. He turned and looked behind him, and then back at her.

"So, you and Jack got it together, did you?" Frank asked, trying not to sound jealous.

She shook her head as they started to walk. "No, we didn't. He's been a good friend, though," she told him quietly.

He didn't answer, waiting for her to talk.

They walked in silence for several minutes, Frank afraid to ask all the questions in his head; Rachel playing through in her head all the different ways of explaining the huge mess she found herself in. When they'd gotten a respectable distance from the rest of the party, Rachel stopped walking, and pulled Frank down to a sitting position next to her. She took a deep breath and let it out again, staring at the ground. Frank watched her, patiently waiting for the explanation. All sorts of wild theories were spinning around in his head. If not Jack, then who?

"Urrrrrgggggh!!" Rachel growled, frustrated with her inability to find the right words. She looked up, staring him in the eye, and finally blurted, "She's yours, Frank."

**_I was standing in the light_**   
**_There were faces all around_**   
**_I put my gloves up for the fight_**   
**_One sucker punch and I was down_**

"What?" Frank managed to stammer. Surely he had heard her wrong?

"She's yours," Rachel repeated. Finally saying it lifted a burden she'd been carrying for too long.

Frank stared at his former partner in shock. Whatever he'd been expecting, it certainly wasn't this.

**_You take away my air_**   
**_You make my lungs collapse_**

"How...?" he asked. Stringing words together was difficult.

"From the night before you left," she told him, looking down at the ground again.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"When was I supposed to do that?" Her eyes were accusing, and she spoke more sharply than she'd meant to, "You never stayed in one place for long enough!"

He frowned. "You couldn't tell me on the phone?"

"What, two weeks ago?" she asked, angrily.

"Well, why not?" he shot back.

"Because it was too bloody late by then, Frank! I wanted to tell you in person. You said you wouldn't be back until next week. It wasn't supposed to happen like this!"

"What, it's my fault for coming back early, is it?" he shot back, raising his voice indignantly.

"Don't be stupid, Frank!"

"Just forget it, Rachel. I reckon I've heard enough," he told her, scrambling to his feet and stalking off.

Rachel got to her feet and took a few steps after him. "Frank!" she called, but he didn't look back, instead walking faster away from her. Rachel sank back down to the sand, sobbing for a minute, before taking a few deep breaths and heading back to the barbecue. Jack saw her return and made a beeline for her.

"Jack, don't," she told him firmly, seeing the sympathetic look in his eye.

He nodded, and squeezed her arm, just to let her know he was there when she needed him.

~~ * ~~

"Hey, Frank!" Helen called.

Frank turned towards the voice. He'd intended to just get his bag and go, but Helen had taken hold of his arm, and was none too gently steering him back to the barbecue. He couldn't get out of it now--he had to socialise.

Helen and Frank arrived at the barbecue, where Gavin and another bloke he didn't recognise were turning over the sausages.

"Frank!" greeted Gavin, beaming, "Long time no see!"

Frank managed to find a smile, "Yeah, mate."

The smile faded from his face as he saw Rachel reappear from the direction of the beach. She had such a blank look on her face that he knew she was miserable. He pushed away a wave of guilt as he saw Jack approach her and lay a hand on her arm. He wanted to knock the man's block off.

He found he couldn't look towards them, so he turned back to Gavin. "How've you been?" he asked.

Frank felt a tugging on the leg of his jeans and looked down. A pair of inquisitive blue eyes stared back up at him, and the little girl put her hands in the air, reaching up towards him. "Up," she demanded.

Frank stared at her, uncomprehending.

"She wants you to pick her up, Frank," Helen told him quietly.

Frank looked at her, his neutral expression covering thoughts travelling at a hundred kilometres an hour. His gaze then moved to the sympathetic expressions of Gavin, Tayler, and several people he didn't even recognise.

They *all* knew.

He felt the tug on his leg again, and stared down, not seeing. He looked over to where Rachel was, and saw she, too, was watching him. The look in her eyes was pleading, but the anger rose in him, and he stalked away, bag in hand, towards the beach.

Rachel's eyes never left him, but he didn't look back.

**_I woke up the house, stumbled in sideways_**   
**_The lights went on and everybody screamed surprise_**   
**_The savage review, it left me gasping_**   
**_But it warms my heart to see that you can do it too_**

Ali's tears of confusion recalled Rachel's attention to her daughter. Frank's sudden angry movement had frightened her, and though Helen had picked her up and was cooing to her, she wanted her mother.

Handing the weeping toddler over, Helen put her arms around them both. "He'll be back, Rachel," she assured her friend, quietly. "I think he needs some time to take it all in."

Rachel smiled slightly through her own tears, and turned her attention to the baby. "It's okay, darling," she whispered. "Daddy's gone for a little walk, that's all."   
~~ * ~~ 

[Chapter Sixteen, pronto][1]

sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer); sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName;sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth; function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);}qs="url += 'id=342941doit('[][2]') [][3]   


   [1]: journeyc16.html
   [2]: '+url+'
   [3]: http://counter37.bravenet.com/index.php?id=342941&usernum=3134161169&cpv=1



	16. Chapter Sixteen

The Journey: Chapter Sixteen SONG LYRIC CREDITS 16: Shivers (The Screaming Jets), In These Arms (Bon Jovi), Sweet Child O' Mine (Guns 'N' Roses), All Coming Back To Me Now (Celine Dion), Every Word Was A Piece Of My Heart (Bon Jovi) 

Chapter 16 

Frank strode purposefully along the beach. How could she have done it? His anger blinded him to the restrictions of circumstance. So what if she didn't have an address! She could have found a way to contact him. 

He heard a voice behind him calling his name. He turned. 

Jack. Great, the second last person he wanted to see. 'You don't mean that,' a voice in his head told him. He ignored it. 

"Jack, you gotta be the last person I wanna talk to!" he yelled. 

"Do I look like I care?" Jack yelled back. 

Frank made a dismissive gesture with his hand, turned, and continued his trudge along the deserted beach. Jack quickened his pace to catch up. 

"Didn't I tell you to bugger off?" Frank asked, when the other man began to walk beside him. 

"I chose not to hear that," Jack answered. 

"What if I tell you again?" Frank asked. 

Jack looked at him, pretending to be confused. "Did you say something, Frank?" 

Frank sighed in irritation, but made no more attempts to get rid of him. 

The two men walked in silence for a few minutes, until Frank finally stopped. Jack stopped too, and turned back towards him. He raised an eyebrow at Frank and waited. 

"Jack, will ya say what you wanna say and piss off?" 

"You don't know how lucky you are, Frank." 

"Oh, right. And you're gonna tell me, I suppose." 

"No, I'm not. Either you'll find it out for yourself, or you don't deserve to know." 

"That all?" 

"Not quite. Don't wait 'til they're gone to figure out how much you want them." 

"Them?" The question was out of his mouth before he could stop it. 

"Rachel and Alex." 

**_The sound of her name_**   
**_Sends a permanent shiver_**   
**_Down my spine, down my spine_**

His emotions suddenly spinning even more out of control, Frank turned and stared out to sea. Jack stood silently beside him for a minute. "She's already waited two years for you, Frank," he stated quietly. "If there's one thing I can tell you, it's not to waste time, because you never get it back." 

Then he turned and walked back the way he had come, leaving Frank alone with his thoughts. 

~~ * ~~ 

Frank unlocked his front door for the first time in two years. As it swung open, a stale, musty and slightly sickly smell greeted him. He walked inside, shutting the door behind him. 

"Slightly sickly" turned into "absolute pong" as he walked into the kitchen. A carton of milk sat on the counter, filled with two years worth of mould growth. Maybe Rachel was right when she called him a grot. 

The thought of her brought a pang of regret. He threw the carton in the rubbish bin, thinking perhaps he should have put that out before he left, too. 

He'd definitely have to spend at least this first night on the boat. Not even he could stand that smell! The utilities were naturally no longer connected, either. 

He wasn't sure what, but something compelled him to go up the stairs to his bedroom. 

The door stood half ajar, waiting for him. He pushed it open with a creak and walked inside. Everything was as he had left it, as he knew it would be. 

His alarm clock still sat by his bed, no power to light the numbers up, of course, and next to it sat a half full stubby of beer. He idly wondered if it had been his or Rachel's. Not that it mattered. 

Unable to help himself, he stared at the bed. 

The doona and sheets still lay in a tangled mess. He sank down onto the bed, picking up one of the pillows from where it had lain on the floor. He buried his face in it, breathing in the scent of Rachel that still seemed to linger. Perhaps it was only his imagination; everything about her was burned into his brain. 

**_Your clothes are still scattered all over our room_**   
**_This whole place still smells like your cheap perfume_**   
**_Everything here reminds me of you_**   
**_And there's nothing I wouldn't do_**

This was where it had happened, this was where it had all begun; and he had left it behind to fulfil another man's dream. 

He had a daughter. Alex. He wondered why Rachel had picked that name. He whispered it aloud, trying it out. "Mine," he whispered incredulously, with barely enough breath to give the word life. 

Frank wished he had paid more attention. All he could remember about her, besides a vague impression of wispy blonde curls and smallness, were her eyes. 

**_She's got eyes of the bluest skies_**   
**_As if they thought of rain_**   
**_I'd hate to look into those eyes_**   
**_And see an ounce of pain_**

Rachel's penetrating blue eyes, staring at him from that soft, chubby face. He felt all sorts of things, none of which he could put into words, even in his own head. 

Before he knew it, he was back out of the door and headed for Rachel's place. 

~~ * ~~ 

"Can I come in?" Frank asked, when Rachel opened the door. 

Not quite believing her eyes, Rachel nodded and stepped aside. "Frank, I'm sorry," she began. 

"No," he said, interrupting her, "I'm sorry Rach. If only I'd known..." he trailed off, looking away. 

**_If you forgive me all this, if I forgive you all that_**   
**_We forgive and forget and it's all coming back to me now_**

"Come sit down, Frank," Rachel said softly 

He followed her to the lounge and fell onto the couch like a tonne of bricks. "Got a beer?" he asked, feeling he'd never needed one more. He also had a craving for a cigarette, even though it was years since he'd quit. 

"You're lucky," Rachel told him, returning from the kitchen. "I didn't think I had any, but I found a six-pack in the back of the fridge." 

"Cheers," he said, taking a few swallows and clutching the stubby like a lifeline as he tried to think of something to say. 

Rachel sat waiting silently; knowing Frank needed some time to sort his thoughts out. She watched him gulp a few more mouthfuls of beer before he finally spoke. 

"You know what?" he told her, laughing nervously, "I can't even picture you pregnant." 

She laughed. "I think I've got a photograph if you really want to see." 

"Yeah, I do," he admitted. 

Glad of some bridge to communication, Rachel got up and fetched her photo album from the bookshelf. She opened it to the first page and put it in Frank's lap. 

Frank stared at the photograph for a long time before he said anything. It had been taken in the meal room, during some kind of office party. Rachel was in the centre of the picture, and the sight of her, like *that*, was... weird. Very weird. 

**_When you see me like this, and when I see you like that_**   
**_We see just what we want to see, all coming back to me_**

His eyes travelled upwards to her face. She had a smile on for the camera, but he could see her eyes weren't in it, and he knew from the surroundings they had been facing the window, looking out upon the harbour. 

It was a long time before he noticed the unfamiliar face standing beside her. "Who is that?" he asked. 

Rachel sighed, sadly. "That was Alex St Clare," she told him. "She took over my job when I left, but she was killed in the line of duty." 

A shadow crossed Frank's eyes, and she knew he was thinking of Louise, a woman he'd been seeing before she was killed by a stray gunshot. 

Some wounds never healed. 

"That's why you picked that name," he stated, almost flatly. 

Rachel nodded. "She and Jack were going to get married," she added, and was surprised when Frank's eyes widened suddenly in understanding. "What?" she asked, confusedly. 

"Oh nothing," he shook his head. "Just something Jack said to me. Now I know what he meant." He continued to stare down at the picture, until he felt Rachel's hand gently touch his arm. He met her eyes, and she smiled. Slowly, she leaned over him, and turned the page of the photo album. 

Frank's breath caught as he took in the three pictures on the next page. Almost mechanically, he turned the pages, looking at all the photographs in turn. He was almost to the end before one of his tears dropped onto his hand. He hadn't even realised he'd been crying. 

He touched one of the photographs with a rough hand, as if he could somehow interact with the scene. Ali was sitting in a high chair, and in front of her was a cake with one candle on it. She had cream on her face, and there was a rather suspicious chunk missing from the cake. In other circumstances, it would have been a charming photograph, but it served to remind Frank of all the Kodak moments he must have missed in her short life. 

Rachel's grip on his arm tightened, and he allowed her to pull him into her arms. He hugged her tightly, suddenly feeling how much he'd missed her since he'd been gone. 

If he didn't let go now, he never would, so he pulled away carefully and smiled. 

Rachel smiled back, tearfully. "Frank, if there's anything you want to know, just ask." 

"Well, there is one thing I've been wondering," he admitted. 

"What's that?" Rachel asked. 

"Why you came back that night." 

Rachel sighed, wondering if she knew the answer to that question herself. "Well," she began, "After we were, ahh... interrupted, and I had to go, I couldn't stop wondering what would have happened if Mick hadn't shown up when he did, you know?" 

Frank nodded; he'd lain in bed that night with the same thoughts. 

"I went home," she continued, "And I tried to sleep, but I kept thinking about how it could be our last chance. So I got up and went back to your place." She gazed fixedly at him before adding, "I'm not sorry I did." 

Frank turned away from her and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands. "I shouldn't have gone," he stated, "Especially after that." 

"Frank, you had your reasons for going," she reminded him. "You were sure about them at the time." 

"I wish I still was," he replied. 

Rachel sighed and stood up. "I'll be back in a sec," she told Frank, and left the room, heading for her bedroom. 

She returned a minute later, dropping a shoebox in his lap. 

"What's this?" Frank asked. 

"Just a few mementos, some letters, all sorts really. I thought you might like them." 

Frank pulled the lid off of the shoebox. On the top was a pink and blue album entitled simply 'Baby Book'. Underneath was a pile of papers. Various things, a birth certificate, immunisation records, a program to a naming ceremony. There was also an exercise book, with his name written on it. 

"Thanks," he told her. 

Rachel yawned involuntarily before replying, "Well, it made me feel a bit better, anyway." 

Frank looked at his watch, and stood up. "I'm sorry," he told her, "I didn't realise it was this late. I should go." 

"You don't have to, Frank," Rachel assured him, her eyes conveying her full meaning. 

Frank swallowed; those eyes were hard to resist. But he needed time. "D'you mind if I use your phone to call a taxi?" 

As he walked out the door, Rachel handed him the photo album. "I thought maybe you could use some more time to go through it," she explained. 

He nodded. "Thanks," he told her softly. "I'll bring them back tomorrow." 

**_There's no love, there's no hate, I left them there for you to take_**   
**_But know that every word was a piece of my heart_**   
~~ * ~~ 

[Chapter Seventeen (almost done!)][1]   


sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer); sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName;sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth; function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);}qs="url += 'id=344248doit('[][2]') [][3]   


   [1]: journeyc17.html
   [2]: '+url+'
   [3]: http://counter29.bravenet.com/index.php?id=344248&usernum=2428620326&cpv=1



	17. Chapter Seventeen

The Journey: Chapter Seventeen SONG LYRIC CREDITS 17: Every Word Was A Piece Of My Heart (Bon Jovi), Million Miles Away (Offspring), Mayonnaise (Smashing Pumpkins), Right Here Waiting (Richard Marx), Tonight (Def Leppard, Here We Are (Gloria Estefan), All Coming Back To Me Now (Celine Dion). 

Chapter 17 

Frank paid the taxi driver, and, shouldering his bag, headed back to the Footloose. It had been his home for long enough; one more night wouldn't hurt. He sat on his bed and opened up the shoebox again. He put the photograph album to one side, not quite ready to look at it again. Not yet.   
Frank picked up the baby book and opened it up. Her name was written on the first page in Rachel's neat handwriting. Alex Rebecca Frances Holloway. It wasn't the same as on the birth certificate. He guessed that was his fault, too.   
They'd have to fix that.   
The book was full of all the seemingly unimportant details he would have been too embarrassed to ask about. Her birthday, her favourite toy, her first word. ('Up,' he noted, wryly.) He relished every morsel of information, wishing he had been there to see it first hand.   
He vowed he would not miss anymore.   
It was at least an hour later before he had finished with the baby book. He picked up the journal next, and when he opened it he saw that each page was a letter addressed to him.. Every letter he'd written out there, and subsequently sent home, had been like shouting into a void. He had assumed she was getting them, but he had no way of knowing it, or seeing her reaction to his words. In some instances, it had made it easier to confess things he would not have been able to say aloud, but at the same time, it left him vulnerable to ridicule. At least in his own mind. 

**_I've been starin at the page for what seems like days_**   
**_I guess I put this one off for a while_**   
**_Did I see a tear fall from your eyes?_**   
**_Or did you laugh so hard that you cried?_**   
**_When I served my secrets on a silver tray to you_**

The first entry was dated about two months after he'd left. It was a lot more ragged than the others, and there were several smudges of ink, and various crossings out. A letter much thought over, Frank observed. He could guess what it was about. 

**_Dear Frank,_**   
**_I got your letter last week, and it doesn't look like I have anywhere to send this, but I really have to talk to you._**   
**_There's no easy way to tell you this, but_**

The next line was scribbled out so completely the pen had almost worn through the page. 

**_I'm pregnant. There, I wrote it. Unfortunately, I don't feel unburdened in the slightest._**   
**_I'm going to have it. Well, there isn't really any other choice. Jack and Helen know, but no one else, yet. It'll be obvious, soon enough, I guess. Any suggestions for a name? Dammit, I wish I felt as glib as I sound._**   
**_I'm going to have to make so many decisions about this without you. I hope I make the right ones._****__**

**_Rach._**

Frank wondered, for the hundredth time since he'd found out, what on earth he'd been *doing* for the last two years. He was sure he'd had his reasons, long ago, but they were fast becoming regrets. 

**_There was a time, looking through myself, wanting to pretend_**   
**_If I escaped, I could fill myself, I don't think you can_**   
**_Been far and wide, but that hole inside never really leaves_**   
**_When I went away, all I really left_**   
**_Left behind was me._**

The next entry beckoned, and Frank's hungry eyes began to read. 

**_Dear Frank,_**   
**_Well, I've pretty much told everybody but you now. Damn, Frank, I hope you believe you are the first and only person I really wanted to tell. I dream, sometimes, I'm out there with you, on the boat. Soaking up the rays in Samoa, or wherever you are now. Come home soon, we miss you._**   
**_Rachel_**

There were a couple more entries in this vein before the next notable one. 

**_Dear Frank,_**   
**_We have a little girl. She was born on the seventh of August. Well, we'll call it the seventh, anyway; it was almost the eighth. That was about a week and a half ago, we got home from the hospital yesterday._**   
**_She's sleeping at the moment. I took a photograph; you can see when you get back what she looks like now. I guess she'll be a lot bigger before you get to see her._**   
**_It seems lonely here, all of a sudden. I don't know why now more than a month ago, but maybe because a month ago I could still go to the pub (drinking lemonade!) and be with other people. Now I'm stuck at home, and I miss you more than ever._**   
**_What I wouldn't give for just one conversation... while at the same time dreading that very conversation. I'm so mixed up._**   
**_Rachel_****__**

Frank read the rest of the journal, relentlessly turning the pages until they ran out. The last entry was particularly poignant. 

**_Dear Frank,_**   
**_I'd forgotten how fast kids learn at this age. It was only a month or two ago she was learning to crawl, and now she's walking. Her vocabulary increases by the day. First she said 'up', and then 'Mama'. It's fascinating. She calls David 'Dad'. Well, not exactly, but it sounds a bit like it. She can't quite manage the 'v' sound yet._**   
**_She's also into absolutely everything. She doesn't have the language yet to be asking questions all the time, but I think she's going to be one of those kids who always wants to know "why"._**   
**_I hope you get back before she starts asking me the tough questions. Then you can answer them instead of me. Haha._**   
****   
**_Rachel._**

He knew she'd given the journal to him in an attempt to make up for what he had missed experiencing firsthand, but in a way they made him feel more isolated. How could he ever make up for so much lost time? 

**_Mother weep the years I'm missing_**   
**_All our time can't be given back_**   
~~ * ~~ 

Rachel was right when she'd predicted she wouldn't be able to sleep. She rolled onto one side, and then the other, but her thoughts were churning so madly that she couldn't find a comfortable position. Her mobile phone sat on her bedside table, and she willed it to ring. 

**_Wherever you go, whatever you do_**   
**_I will be right here waiting for you_**   
**_Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks_**   
**_I will be right here waiting for you_**

She was beginning to despair of getting any sleep at all that night, when finally, it rang. Her hand darted to pick it up before it rang a second time.   
"Frank?"   
"Yeh."   
"Where are you?"   
"I'm at the phone box near your place."   
"I'll be right down," Rachel answered breathlessly, and hung up.   
When she got downstairs and opened the front door, there he stood, grinning.   
"I know a good cure for insomnia," he told her, eyes twinkling.   
Rachel couldn't keep from grinning back at him. "What's that?"   
He smiled, and instead of speaking, took a step forward and pulled her into his arms.   
She'd longed for his embrace for so long. Rachel choked back the tears welling in her eyes, and when she pulled away to look him in the face, she saw his eyes were moist, too. 

**_Don't try to look away, when you're face to face_**   
**_I see your eyes, that animal emotion_**   
**_You don't have to set your tender trap_**   
**_It's in those eyes, it's gonna happen anyway_**

"I wish I'd never gone," he whispered, "I thought I was making up for lost time, but I was just running away from everything. All I ended up doing was losing more time."   
"There's still time, Frank," she told him, smiling.   
Before either even realised it, he was kissing her, and the intimacy of the contact, after such a long separation, almost made Rachel's knees buckle under her. He could have asked her to commit murder, and she would have, just as long as he didn't stop kissing her. 

**_Here we are, all alone_**   
**_Trembling hearts beating strong_**   
**_Reaching out, a breathless kiss_**   
**_I never thought could feel like this_**

Rachel moved her arms upward to encircle his neck, and felt his hand slowly travel up her body to rest ever so lightly on her jaw. Then his fingers were behind her head, pulling her in closer still, as his thumb caressed her cheek. 

**_I want to stop the time from passing by_**   
**_I want to close my eyes and feel your lips are touching mine_**   
**_Baby when you're close to me, I want you more each time_**   
**_And there's nothing I can do to keep from loving you_**

Rachel had never wanted anybody as much as she wanted Frank just then, and she knew he needed her, too. She pulled away, putting her finger to her lips, and led him up the stairs to her room. 

**_There's nothing I can do_**   
**_I'm helpless in your arms_**   
**_Oh, baby what you do_**   
**_I'm in love, this is it_**   
**_There's no turning back this time_**

Barely pausing to close her bedroom door behind them, Rachel turned back to Frank's inviting mouth. Trying to reach the bed without letting go of each other proved to be a challenge, however, and they ended up walking into the bed, and landing on the mattress in a giggling heap. Rachel quickly put her hand over Frank's mouth to signal him to be quiet. He stopped giggling, sliding his hand slowly under her singlet. Rachel breathed out, slowly, fumbling with the button on his jeans.   
As if by magic, clothes disappeared from bodies and formed a haphazard pile on the floor. On the bed, arms and legs became entangled, and the mattress damp with perspiration. The union was desperate, both needing a quick release.   
  
**_If I touch you like this, and if you kiss me like that_**   
**_It was so long ago, but it's all coming back to me now_**   
**_And if you touch me like this, and if I kiss you like that_**   
**_It was gone with the wind but it's all coming back to me_**   
**_The flesh and the fantasies all coming back to me_**   
**_I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now_**

"I love you."   
Neither was sure later who had voiced the words, but it wasn't important. They were meant by both.   
~~ * ~~ 

sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer); sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName;sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth; function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);}qs="url += 'id=344249doit('')   



	18. Chapter Eighteen (final)

The Journey: Chapter Eighteen SONG LYRIC CREDITS 18: If You Leave (Orchestral Maneuvers In The Dark), Every Word Was A Piece of My Heart (Jon Bon Jovi), All Fired Up (Pat Benatar).

Chapter 18

Frank wasn't sure how much later it was when he finally got his breath back. He could just make out Rachel's face in the dim light, and he gently pulled her to him, kissing first her forehead, and then each eyelid, the tip of her nose, and her mouth. He felt her hand on his back, gliding gently up and down his spine.

The kiss deepened, and Rachel snuggled closer, pushing the length of her body up against his.

"You'll be the death of me, woman," Frank growled.

She chuckled as he pushed her onto her back, and began kissing his way down her body. When he reached her stomach, he stopped, frowning. His finger traced a small, snake-like scar on her abdomen. He was reasonably sure it hadn't been there two years ago.

Rachel saw the question in his eyes, and whispered, "It's a Caesarean scar, Frank."

Frank swallowed. As if he needed another reminder. He stared out into the darkness blankly for a few moments, his finger still tracing the barely noticeable scar; like the tongue that was irresistibly drawn to the gap where a missing tooth used to be.

**_I touch you once, I touch you twice_**   
**_I won't let go at any price_**   
**_I need you now, like I needed you then_**   
**_You always said we'd meet again_**

Finally, he seemed to collect his thoughts once again. He bent and kissed the scar reverently, before straightening up and pulling Rachel back into his arms. He'd been holding her a long time before he realised she was sobbing.

"I'm so sorry, Rach," he whispered, almost crying again himself. He rocked her back and forth. "I'm sorry," he repeated, over and over.

Eventually, Rachel took a deep breath and pulled slightly away from him. "It's not your fault, Frank," she assured him. "It's just..." She shook her head, frustrated. "I've dreamed about this night for so long, I can't believe I'm not going to wake up soon."

A mischievous smirk crept across Frank's face. "Now what can I do to convince you I'm not a dream?"

**_You've been the blood in my veins, the only one who knows my middle name_**   
**_And the smiles, they came easy, 'cause of you_**   
**_You know that I love you, but I hate you, 'cause I know I can never escape you_**   
**_Let the choir sing, for tonight I'm an easy mark_**   
~~ * ~~

Frank was awoken a few hours later by the early morning sun streaming in Rachel's window. He thought at first he was still on the boat, until he registered the weight of Rachel's head on his shoulder. Her alarm clock clicked over to five-thirty as he looked at it.

Frank really missed being able to sleep in. It was not a wise thing to do when sailing solo on the middle of the ocean.

He tried to go back to sleep, but he was conditioned against it. Carefully easing Rachel's head back onto the pillow so as not to wake her, he climbed out of bed and picked up his clothes from where they lay strewn across the floor.

He'd intended to go downstairs and put on a pot of coffee, but he found himself irresistibly drawn to the bedroom across from Rachel's.

The baby's room.

Carefully, he eased the door open and tiptoed inside. She looked like an angel. He supposed all fathers thought that about their daughters.

Father. The word still sent shivers down his spine. It scared him silly, but at the same time it made him feel like he was on top of the world. Frank suddenly realised she looked a lot like Kevin when he was little. He was glad to think some small part of his younger brother lived on.

He had no idea how long he'd been staring at her before he suddenly noticed her eyes were open.

Ali stared up at her father, frowning, as if she wondered what to make of him.

Frank tried to smile; he knew he was a stranger to her.

Seeming to make a decision, the little girl stretched her arms up towards him as he had the day before, on the beach.

"Up!"

Frank barely hesitated before leaning down and gingerly picking her up. As soon as he did, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. Taken aback, Frank found himself caressing her soft curls. There was a rocking chair next to a bookshelf on the other side of the room, and he sat in it, rocking her back and forth until she drifted off. Tears silently leaked from his eyes; he'd never cried this much in his whole life.

He must have fallen asleep again, because he was woken by a sudden movement, and a cry. He couldn't say if she'd been having a nightmare, or whether it was waking up in the lap of a stranger (and that idea *hurt*) but Ali was quickly beginning to bawl. He pulled her close in his arms, and cooed to her. "Shh, darlin'. You'll be right. Shhhhhh..." He began rocking back and forth in the chair. It seemed to work, as sobs subsided into whimpers.   
~~ * ~~

Rachel jerked awake, hearing her daughter's cry. She was already out of bed and almost out the door before she noticed Frank was missing. She frowned, wondering where he was, but pushed it aside for the moment.

Noticing the open door, Rachel frowned. She slowly walked to it and looked inside.

She heard Frank before she saw him.

"You'll be right, darlin'. Shhhhhh."

The room was dark except for the light oozing in around the curtains, but she eventually spotted Frank in the rocking chair. He was facing the other way, so he hadn't seen her yet.

Rachel realised how difficult a transition this was going to be when she had to fight the urge to take over. Ali, on the other hand, seemed to take it in her stride. She'd stopped crying. Rachel watched him for a minute before she approached. "Frank," she said, quietly.

His head shot around at her voice, and he looked guilty; as if he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't. He stood up carefully. "Here's your mum," he said, and made as if to hand the baby over, but Rachel quickly shook her head.

"She's okay with you, Frank," Rachel told him quietly. He didn't actually look as if he was in a particular hurry to hand her off. Rachel took another step towards him, kissing Ali's forehead and then putting her arms around both of them.

Frank breathed out slowly. He didn't know why he felt guilty, but he was glad Rachel had been understanding. "I love you, Rach," he whispered in her ear.

Rachel pulled back to look Frank in the eye. "I love you too," she whispered, meeting his lips with her own.

"Befuss!" Ali exclaimed.

Rachel drew back, laughing. "Breakfast soon, baby," she soothed, "Then Mummy has to go to work and you've got to go visit Sonia."

"Sonna!" Ali crowed.

"Want some coffee, Frank?"

"Yeah, thanks."

He followed Rachel downstairs to the dining room, where Rachel took the baby from him and put her in a high chair. "What do you want for breakfast, Ali?"

"Weet-Bix!" the child answered immediately.

Frank laughed, "I like a woman who knows what she wants."

Rachel grinned, spooning coffee into the pot. "Oh, she knows what she wants!" she assured Frank. "You, wrapped around her little finger."

"Too late," Frank sighed.

Rachel chuckled. "I had a feeling."

"Who's Sonia?" Frank asked.

"Oh, she's the woman who runs the daycare centre."

"You're taking her to a daycare centre?"

"Well, I can't take her to work with me!" Rachel answered, surprised.

"But I'm here, I can watch her," Frank frowned.

"It involves a little more than watching, Frank," Rachel informed him. "Do you even know how to change a nappy?"

Frank shook his head. "I'm sure I can figure it out."

Rachel sighed. She could definitely understand the way he felt, but she also knew leaving him with Ali for a whole day wouldn't be smart. Not yet. "She doesn't know you, Frank," she said quietly, then wished she could take it back. He looked like he'd been hit by a freight train.

"She'll get to know you," Rachel soothed. "There's plenty of time."

"I know. It's just..."

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. Here, would you like to take care of breakfast?" Rachel asked, handing him the bowl of cereal.

"Rach, I was thinking," Frank began, spooning the soggy cereal into his daughter's mouth.

"What about?"

"Well, if she calls David 'Dad', what's she gonna call me?" he asked. It was a deeper question than its face value suggested.

"Well, she doesn't actually call him that anymore," Rachel laughed. "It's more like 'Dabbid' now." She knew she was avoiding the question, but she was quite simply afraid to rock the boat. "What would you like her to call you?"

"Well, Daddy seems like a good idea."

"You reckon?" Rachel asked, squinting at him mischievously.

Frank nodded. "I reckon. Daddy goes pretty well with Mummy, don't you think?"

"I'd say so."

"Kinda like husband and wife."

Rachel's eyes widened. "What are you saying, Frank?"

Frank laughed, putting the bowl down on the high chair. "Shall I rephrase it? Marry me."

Rachel swallowed. "Wow. Don't you think we should take some time to think about it?" she asked.

"You can take all the time you want," Frank shrugged. "As long as you say yes. I've had the last two years. Even longer. I reckon that's enough for any man to know he's in love."

Rachel took a deep breath. "Yes, Frank."

"Yes what?"

"Yes I'll marry you, idiot!"

**_Now I believe there comes a time_**   
**_When everything just falls in line_**   
**_We live and learn from our mistakes_**   
**_The deepest cuts are healed by faith_**

Frank grinned from ear to ear. Rachel laughed at the look on his face, and pulled him down for a kiss. Both jumped at the sound of a splat.

Ali had knocked the still half-full bowl of weet-bix onto the floor. And the little minx didn't look the least bit remorseful about it, either.

Frank shook his head, and stooped to pick the bowl up. "Don't worry, we haven't forgotten about you, gorgeous," he cooed. He swung her out of the chair and handed her to Rachel. Then he headed to the kitchen for a cloth.

"Domesticated already?" Rachel asked, as he wiped the mess from the floor.

Frank grinned up at her. Then a thought seemed to strike him, and he frowned. "Hey, Rach, if we get married, does that mean I have to become a Jew?"

"No Frank, that's Catholics. Besides, if you wanted to convert, you'd have to be circumcised," she told him with a smirk.

The look on Frank's face told her how much he liked *that* idea.

**_The End!_****__**

**_I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I did writing it... PLEASE [sign the dreambook][1] below and tell me what you thought?? Or you can email me at [lotus79@startrekmail.com][2]_**   
  


[Read][3] my Dreambook!   
[Sign][1] my Dreambook! 
[][4]

Back to [Sarah's Ratfic][5]   
Back to [Sarah's Castle On A Cloud][6]

sw="none";sd="none";ref=""+escape(document.referrer); sw=screen.width;nav=navigator.appName;sc=(nav!="Netscape")?screen.colorDepth:screen.pixelDepth function doit(str) {document.writeln(str);}qs="url += 'id=348913doit('[][7]')   


   [1]: http://books.dreambook.com/lotus79/thejourney.sign.html
   [2]: mailto:lotus79@startrekmail.com
   [3]: http://books.dreambook.com/lotus79/thejourney.html
   [4]: http://www.dreambook.com
   [5]: Ratfic.html
   [6]: ../index.html
   [7]: '+url+'



End file.
